Ramón Gómez de la Serna: Las Proximas Greguerías hasta 1000

 901.El apuntador es el eco antes que la palabra.
The pointer is the echo before the word.

902.La Naturaleza es triste. ¿Ha visto alguien reirse a un árbol?
Nature is sad.  Have you ever seen someone laugh at a tree?

903.Es espantapájaros semeja en espía fusilado.
The scarecrow looks like a spy who has been shot.

904.El ascensor es más peligroso que el avión, porque si se desgracia no será posible salvarse ni con paracaídas.
The elevator is more dangerous than the airplane, because in case of an accident it’s impossible to save yourself, even with a parachute.

905.Si hay una miga en la cama, el sueño estará lleno de promontorios y peñascos.
If there’s a crumb in your bed, your dreams will be filled with hills and crag.

906.Lo malo de los diccionarios enciclopédicos es que están llenos de grabados de bacilo.
The worst part of encyclopedic dictionaries is that they are filled with engravings of bacteria.

907.El mapamundi nos sirve el mundo como un par de huevos fritos.
The world map serves us up the world like a pair of fried eggs.

908.Los ojos de los gatos están mirando por el ojo iluminado de la cerradura de la alcoba del misterio.
The eyes of cats look through the lit keyhole of the alcove of mystery.

909.La X es la silla de tijera del alfabeto.
The X is the folding chair of the alphabet.
910.Bibliómano es una especie de cleptómano de los libros.
A bibliomaniac is a type of kleptomaniac that specializes in books.

911.En las máquinas de escribir sonríe la dentadura postiza del alfabeto.
The dentures of the aplhabet smile in the typewriter.

912.La gaita canta por la nariz.
Bagpipes sing through the nose.

913.El zodíaco as algo así como la lista o menú del restaurante de los dioses.
The zodiac is something like the billof fare at the restaurant of the gods.

914.La L parece largar un puntapié a la letra que lleva al lado.
The L seems to be giving a swift kick to the letter at its side.

915.Lo más terrible de nuestro libro de direcciones es que sacarán de él las señas de nuestros amigos para enviarles nuestra propia esquela de defunción.
The most terrible thing about our address book is taking the addresses of our friends out of it to send them the notice of our death.

916.No se sabe cuándo los bomberos vuelvan o van.  Debían poner una señal aclaratoria en sus carros de asalto para neustra tranquilidad.
We don’t know when the firemen come or go.  They have to put a siren on their engines for our peace of mind.

917.La W es la M haciendo la plancha.
The W is an M floating on its back.

918.El colchón está lleno de ombligos.
The mattress is full of bellybuttons.

919.Los días de lluvia, el Metro se convierte en submarino.
On rainy days, the subway becomes a submarine.

920.Un foco de automóvil proyectándose sobre nosotros nos convierte en película.
The car’s headlights turn us into a movie.

921.La belleza con lunares es una belleza certificada.
Beauty with moles is beauty that has been certified.

922.En la pequeñez de la violeta se esconde el proyecto de un gran amor.
In the smallness of the violet is hidden the project of a grand love.

923.Si los gatos se subiesen unos sobre otros, llegarían a la luna.
If cats piled on top of each other, they would reach the moon.

924.El alfabeto es un nido de pajaros del que proceden bandadas y bandadas de palabras.
The alphabet is a nest from which come flocks and flocks of birds.

925.La mariposa vuela en la muerte clavada en su alfiler.
The butterfly flies even in death, stuck with its pin.

926.Cuando el niño corre detrás de la resaca se cree que el mar huye de él.
When boys run after a hangover, they believe that the sea runs away from them.

927.Hay pianistas violentos que tienen la locura de pisarle los callos al piano.
There are violent pianists who are crazy enough  to step on the corns of the piano (an expression meaning to inconvenience).
928.No os fiéis nunca de las mujeres que al besar se cuelgan del cuello y levantan una piernecita burlonamente.
We never trust women who hang on the neck when kissing and lift one leg coquetteishly.

929.El ruiseñor es el Hamlet de los pájaros.
The nightingale is the Hamlet of the birds.

930.Abrimos la puerta del piso como ladrones y entramos como detectives.
We open the trap door like burglars, and enter like detectives.

931.El 4 tiene la nariz griega.
The 4 has a greek nose.

932.Las teclas negras son el luto que guarda el piano por los pianistas muertos.
The black keys of the piano are its mourning, to protect it from dead pianists.

933.La h es una letra tan transparente y tan muda, que no es raro que a veces no nos demos cuenta de que no está en la palabra en que deberia estar.
The h is a letter so clear and silent that it’s not unusual for us to sometimes not realize that it’s not in a word where it should be.

934.El ventilador debía dar aire caliente en invierno.
The fan should blow hot air in the winter.

935.Hay unos finales de concierto en que parece que se ha vuelto loco el músico más sensato.
There are musical finales where it seems that the most sensible musician has gone crazy.

936.Contar la velocidad en nudos me parece un sistema retardatario.
Measuring speed in knots seems to me a rather stupid system.
937.La mosca es la sortija de pobre.
The fly is the ring of the poor.

938.Al sordo hay que gritarle, pero con naturalidad, como si se le hablase en voz baja.
One must yell at the deaf, but naturally, as though speaking in a low voice.

939.El dispéptico llega a tener diálogos teatrales en la barriga.
The dyspeptic comes to have theatrical dialogues in his stomach.

940.La amnistía es la amnesia del delito.
Amnesty is the amnesia of crime.

941.--He escrito un opúscolo.
       --¡Tan joven!
“I’ve written a leaflet.”
“How youthful!”

942.Eran tan elegantes y tan aburridos, que cuando se reunían pedian una botella de spleen.
They were so elegant and boring, that when they meet they order a bottle of spleen.

943.El peluquero nos habla meintras nos sirve como loquero sensato a un loco momentáneo.
The hairdresser talks while serving us, like a sensible therapist to a temporary madman.

944.La mosca nos trae un murmullo de los confesionarios de la muerte.
The fly brings us a murmur from the confessionals of death.

945.El marido ideal es el que dice: «Mi mujer es un ecónoma.»
The ideal husband is the one who says, “My wife is the trustee.”
946.Los que meriendan en el campo llevan un perrito para que se coma los huesos.  Pero ¿por qué no llevan otro para que se coma los papeles?
Those who snack in the countryside bring a little dog to eat the bones.  But why not bring another to eat the wrappers?

947.Lo mejor de la aurora es que no sabe nada del día anterior.
The best thing about the dawn is that it knows nothing of the previous day.

948.El rebuzno es un suspiro frenético.
The bray is a frantic sigh.

949.Sólo la mujer da cuerda a los corazones.
Only the woman can wind a heart.

950.El que nos pide que le demos «un golpe de teléfono» es un masoquista.
He who asks to be hit up by telephone must be a masochist.

951.El avión matará los celos, pues ella, que se ha estado con uno en Nueva York o Santiago de Chile anteayer, puede estar pasado mañana con otro en Madrid.
The airplane is the death of jealousy, since she who was with someone in New York or Santiago the day before yesterday, can be with another in Madrid the day after tomorrow.

952.El violín puede ser stradivarius; pero el arco y el brazo que lo tocan son de otra época peor.
The violin may be a Stradivarius, but the bow and the arm that play it are from a worse period.

953.El 5 us un número que baila.
The 5 is a number that dances.

954.Al arco de violín tiene el pelo blanco de la experienceia.
The violin bow has the white hair of experience.

955.La luna y el sol no tienen más que una sola cama para descansar y por eso la una trabaja cuando el otro dureme.
The moon and the sun have but one bed between them, so while one works the other sleeps.

956.Lo más caro de la Naturaleza es el rocío, que sólo se expende con cuentagotas.
The most expensive thing in nature is the dew, for it is only given out with an eyedropper.

957.Anónimo es un superviviente de todas las épocas que siempre es el mismo.
Anonymous is a survivor of every age that is always the same.

958.No hay nadie que saboree el agua como el pájaro.
Nobody savors water like a bird.

959.Nuestra sombra debía de servirnos de paraguas los días de lluvia.
Our shadow should serve as an umbrella on rainy days.

960.Odian a los negros y se pasan las horas enteras al sol para ver si se ponen negros.
They hate black people, and spend whole hours in the sun to see if they become one.

961.El Japón vive en pleno bazar.
Japan lives in the middle of a festival.

962.El gusano se arrastra resignadaments porque tiene prometido un viaje en avión cuando sea mariposa.
The caterpillar drags itself along resignedly, for it has been promised an airplane flight when it becomes a butterfly.

963.La jirafa es la escalera contra incendios de los animales.
The giraffe is the fire escape of the animals.

964.La luna es la exclamación de sorpresa de la noche, so «¡oh!» luminoso.
The moon is the surprised exclamation of the night, its luminous “Oh!”

965.El mono usa guantes en los pies.
The monkey wears gloves on its feet.

966.Tenía triste la voz como si le saliese del esqueleto.
The voice was sad, as though coming out of a skeleton.

967.La sonrisa de la Gioconda está hecha para durar siglos.
The Mona Lisa’s smile is made to endure the ages.

968.Frase artística: la alegoría de la gloria.
An artistic phrase: the allegory of the glory.

969.La perlas se forma nada más que con las escondidas illusiones de la ostra.
Pearls make themselves our of nothing but the hidden illusions of oysters.


970.El humo es la oración del hogar.
Smoke is the prayer of the hearth.

971.El elefante no es un animal, es una asociación.
The elephant is not an animal; it is a collective.

972.En las pelequerías nos visten de fantasmas.
In the movie theater, we dress ourselves in fantasies.

973.En la ola está el espejo de los abismos.
The mirror of the abyss is in the waves.

974.El crepúsculo es el apertivo de la noche.
Dusk is the appetizer of night.

975.El antropófago es el consumidor que se come al consumidor.
The cannibal is a consumer of consumers.

976.El escritor antiguo compraba una gallina para comérsela y tener además plumas con que escribir.
The ancient writers would buy a chicken for dinner, and quills as well.

977.Con lo de «conejo a la cazadora» se disimula que es conejo de corral.
They call it “Welsh Rarebit” to hide the fact that there is no meat. (Huge liberty taken.  Literally: “They use “Huntress’ Rabbit” to hide the fact that it was raised in a hutch.”)

978.Lo más misterioso del bosque es cuando se oye en su gran silencio el quebrarse de una ramita.
The most mysterious thing in the forest is to hear a snapping branch in the middle of a great silence.

979.Sobre el hombre que se sienta en el sillón ultrapeluqueril de los dentistas oscilan todas las luces de una gran metrópoli y se es como víctima de un shock nervioso en una calle de Nueva York al la hora de más tráfico y de más bombaje eléctrico.
Over the head of the man reclining in the dentist’s chair, all the lights of a grand city shine, and he feels like the vistim of a nervous shock laying in the street of New York during rush hour.

980.El tranvía aprovecha las curvas para quejarse de la empresa.
The streetcar takes advantage of the curves to compain about its load.

981.Al entrar en las puertas giratorias miramos hacia atrás por si viene Charlot queriéndonos empujar.
When we enter revolving doors, we look behind us to see if Charlie Chaplin is coming to push us.

982.Medicinas y coñac para dormir: insomnia con tos.
Medicine and Cognac for sleep: insomnia with vomit.

983.El pez no aguantaría la pecera si no se hiciese la ilusión de que viaja por los maresde China.

984.La luna es el espejo de la experiencia de los siglos.
The moon is the mirror of the centuries’ experience.

985.La Biblia es un libro en el que todos estamos aludidos.
The Bible is a book in which we have all been predicted.

986.El calvo parece que puede ver las estrellas sin levantar los ojos al cielo.
The bald man seems to be able to see the stars without lifting his eyes.

987.Los ángeles del cine son ángeles negros.
The angels of the cinema are dark angels.

988.Hay días grises que son días medievales, con tejado de pizarra.
Some days are so gray the become medieval, with slate roofs.

989.El cacto es el churro monstruoso y vegetal.
The cactus is a monstrous and vegetable churro.

990.El queso Gruyére nos está diciendo: «¡Hay que tener mucho ojo!»
Gruyere cheese is telling us, “You need to have good eyes!”

991.Hay dos tipos humanos diametralmente opuestos: los que piden sopa siempre y los que no la toman nunca.
There are two types of people, those who always eat soup, and those who never do.

992.La patata es el vegetal minero.
The potato is a vegetal miner.

993.Amasador de masas: panadero político.
Kneader of dough: politic baker.

994.Los telegramas debían tener un distintivo exterior que señalase si son felices, tristes o catastróficos.
Telegrams should come with some indication of whether they are happy, sad, or catastrophic.

995.Quiso unir la alegría con el dolor y estalló el laboratorio.
He wanted to combine joy with pain, and blew up the laboratory.

996.El matrimonio es la carta de amor certificada.
Marriage is a love letter that has been certified.

997.El bacilo es el gigante más pequeño y más feroz.
The bacterium is the smallest and fiercest of giants.

998.La Historia es un pretexto para seguir equivocando a la Humanidad.
History is an excuse for humanity to keep making mistakes.

999.El caballo de circo es las mesa de plancha de la amazona.
The circus horse is the amazon’s ironing board.

1000.El paracaidista es un muñeco ahorcado que se salva.
The paratrooper is an escaped hanging doll.

Alice Munro: Vintage Munro

 It is always a marvel to me when I happen to read a book just as its relevance is at its height--either in my own life, or in that of the greater discourse.  Munro's death coincided suspiciously with my reading of this collection, along with a renewed discussion of her problematic history.  It all adds up, though.  The stories are filled with women in search of something, without ever finding it, and especially in love.  Unlike in life, however, the women in her stories don't seem to hurt anyone but themselves.

Cicero: On Obligations

 In my town, which is in no way mine yet, there is a building that always captivates me.  It is a fairly typical Romanesque building from the turn of the century, but with a black, Gothic tower jutting out from one corner.  My friend Rose hates it.  She says it doesn't match, that it can't decide what it is.  The sinister darkness that protrudes from the edge and becomes the dominating feature is out of place.  I can relate.

Whence comes this darkness, the edges, the spires, the ominous black face that belies the careful and respectable whole?  I often look for its source, and for the roots of my intense goodness as well, in my family history.  On a recent trip to Topeka, I met my third cousin for the first time, and hit it off with her  immediately.  She showed me a portrait of our common ancestor, my great-great-grandfather, handsome and focused, and wearing a mysterious pin.  It was nothing I had seen before, not Masonic, or Rotarian.  I asked her what orders he might have belonged to, and she told me he was a member of the Knights of Pythias.  

That building, the one that speaks to me?  It's name: The Pythian Castle.  Headquarters of the same organization that my ancestor belonged to.  

I read this book because it was said to contain the story of Pythias, only to find out that it was barely a paragraph of mention.  Cicero is not concerned with such stories except as they relate to his true passion: the Roman State.  He iterates the types of virtue at length, thinking he has proven his point, but without really having done so.  There is nothing new in this book, nor is it put in a particularly convincing or engaging way.  Justice, Temperance, Wisdom, and Greatness of Spirit are certainly excellent virtues.  There is another, though, that he nearly ignores.  It is that which I have been searching for as long as I can recall, and also that to which the Knights of Pythias happened to be dedicated.  I flatter myself that I also have it in abundance, though without any proper outlet.  I am a Pythian without a Damon, a Knight without a banner.  Oh where is Enkidu, Jonathon, Caphisodorus?  That we may form an altar to Friendship, and raise its banner over all?

Pedro Bandeira: O Melhor Presente

 I expected this to be a light and fluffy children's book, and to have little to say about it other than congratulating myself on finishing a book in Portuguese.  I should have known, based on the author's reputation and the depth of the fellow who recommended him to me, that there would be more.  A typical children's book, in the Western canon at least, would have ended the story with a satisfactory conclusion that left all the characters feeling good and having learned an important lesson.  Usually the characters and situations are simply tools in the author's box, and are put neatly back after having had their adventure.  

 Bandeira, however, seems to care little about the characters.  They are fictional, and their growth is meaningless.  He takes aim directly at the reader, and delivers lesson to them so stern and bleak that one wonders if he meant for children to read this book at all.  Children are, after all, only marginally capable of internalizing and making meaningful changes in the way they consume.  Adults, however, can easily imagine the possibility of Earth becoming a garbage dump filled with trash, and could even  take steps to prevent it.

The Zend Avesta

My father's family is fucked up in a very American way.  His father was emotionally distant and oblivious, and naturally adhered closely to the expectations of a society that was designed to favor him.  His wife, obsessed with others' perception of her and her family, devoted herself to the keeping up and putting in of appearances, which allowed no room to think about or heal the cruelty she endured at his hands.  Naturally, she became a huge bitch, which had the expected effects on the next generation.  Less information is available about the ways they were treated by their parents, although everything that is told lines up nicely with the throughline of American Trauma that one sees in movies and television.  Very sad, but not very unusual.

My mother's family, however, is a whole new, twisted kind of fucked up.  It really should be turned into a book.  The strange thing is that everyone is a victim in it.  Even the abusers and assholes are/were just displaying very understandable reactions to their horrible traumae.  It's a Rube Goldberg device of emotional suffering that one can follow from what I hope will be it's final victim, me, back up through the strings and pulleys to the man that seems to have pulled the first lever:  my great grandfather, who bears all the hallmarks of a hedonistic sociopath.  Tracing the trauma back upstream has helped me quite a bit in the process of healing my own programming, forgiving those who programmed me,and making sure it stops with me.

Which is all to the point of saying that I think I have also found the source of Western Civilization's trauma.  I originally thought that I was going to find something deep and profound in this book, the progenitor of all Judeo-Islamic-Christian belief systems.  At the least, I hoped to find meaningful, or at least interesting, stories, symbols, and characters.  Instead, I found a truly ghoulish mishmash of impossible and burdensome procedures and proscriptions.  If this is our great grandfather, it's no wonder that our family is this fucked up.

Ramón Gómez de la Serna: Las Proximas Greguerías hasta 900

 

Si hubiese habido fotógrafo en el Paraíso, habría sido bochornoso el retrato de bodas de Adán y Eva.

If there had been a photographer in Eden, Adam and Eve’s wedding portrait would have been embarrassing.

 

El beso es hambre de inmortalidad.

The kiss is hunger for immortality.

 

--¿Vino alguien?

--Sí. Vino el vino.

Did someone come?

Yes, the wine came.

 

De mucho comer «sesos a la romana» le puede sailr a uno casco de centurión.

If you eat a lot of lamb’s brains, you can leave with a centurion’s helmet.

 

Hay nubes que son como alas extraviadas.

There are clouds which look like lost wings.

 

El mono no entiende, pero está siempre queriendo entender.

The monkey doesn’t understand, but it always wants to.

 

La eñe tiene el ceño fruncido.

The ñ has a frown.

 

En la orquestra, sólo el violón ve la función.

In the orchestra, only the viola watches the show.

 

Era tan mal guitarrista, que se le escapó la guitarra con otro.

The guitarist was so bad the guitar ran away with someone else.

 

La luna llena que aparece después de la tormenta es un huevo pasado por agua.

The full moon appearing afer the storm is an egg passed through the water.

 

Al desfundar el plátano nos saca la lengua.

When we peel a plantain, we stick out our tongue.

 

La B es el ama de cría del alfabeto.

The B is the wet nurse of the alphabet.

 

El ademán que hace el  que limpia sus gafas, levantándolas hacia el cielo, es un ademán de astrónomo.

The gesture of he who raises his glasses to the sky to clean them is that of an astronomer.

 

La alquimia que tiene preocupados a algunos hombres es la de convertir a su cuñada en su mujer y a su mujer en su cuñada.

The alchemy that fascinates some men is that of turning one’s sister-in-law into one’s wife, and vice versa.

 

La memoria en la mujer es una caja de sombreros en que quedan unos sombreros viejos.

Women’s memory is a hat box in which some old hats are waiting.

 

Cuando el sociólogo habla de la moda es cuando más pierde el tiempo, pues la moda está hecha sólo para despistar a los sociólogos.

When the sociologist qpeaks in the curent style, time is most lost, but the current style was made specifically to confound sociologists.

 

En el ocaso se recuecen los ladrillos para la construcción del día de mañana.

At sunset, the bricks reheat themselves for the construction of tomorrow.

 

El que escribe a máquina con rapidez de motociclista es que quiere llegar antes al sábado.

He who types with the speed of a motorcyclist is he who wants to arrive quickest at Saturday.

 

La gaviota da la orden del amanecer costero.

The seagull gives the order to the coastal sunrise.

 

Las moscas parece que han escondido la tapa del azucarero.

The flies seem like they have hidden the lid of the sugar bowl.

 

Cuando desparece la imagen que veíamos en la pantalla del cine y pasamos a otra escena, nos vendan los ojos un momento.

When the scene changes on the movie screen, we are blindfolded for a moment.

 

Tocar el arpa es tener el arte delicioso de las caricias y los pellizcos.

To play the harp is to have the declisious art of caresses and pinches.

 

La copa del premio es la ponchera del éxito.

The award cup is the punch bowl of success.

 

Las palomas blancas parecen siempre escapadas del templo de Venus.

White doves always seem to have escaped from the temple of Venus.

 

Los poetas del pasado ya parecían haberse adelantado a los que hablan por radio, porque leían sus poesías ante el micrófono de una rosa en el búcaro.

The poets of the past still seem to be ahead of those who speak on the radio, because they read their poems into the microphone of a rose in a vase.

 

Cuando al ciervo le salgan rosas en el rosal de sus cuernos es que habrá llegado el día de la resurrección de la carne.

When the deer carries roses in its horns, it is as if the day of resurrection has come.

 

Las golondrinas son los pájaros vestidos de etiqueta.

Swallows are birds dressed with manners.

 

Se ve que el queso Gruyére ha sido señalado por muchos dedos, como diciendo: «De ése.»

The Gruyere seems to have been pointed at by many fingers, saying “This one.”

 

Pescar es un aperitivo para comer después pollo con arroz.

Fishing is an appetizer for eating chicken and rice later.

 

No hay que hacerse los desentendidos.  Las espinas de las rosas están hechas para que se pinche el hombre.

It is not necessary to be ignorant. The rose’s thorns are made to pinch men.

 

El murciélago es un mandadero que no encuentra al que tiene que dar el recado.

The bat is a messenger who cannot find the recipient of his message.

 

Cuando la mujer se da polvos después de la entrevista, parece queborra todo lo dicho.

When a woman powders herself after a visit, is it as though she erases all that was said.

 

El beso es la burla del soplo.

The kiss is a mockery of breath.

 

Cuando la mujer nos ayuda con el secante a preparar el final del trabajo urgente, vuelve a ser la Verónica.

When a woman helps us with the drying at the end of an urgent project, she again becomes a Veronica.

 

La alcachofa se muestra dura por fuera, pero tiene dulce corazón.

The artichoke seems to be tough on the outside, but has a sweet heart.

 

El cuchillo del cocinero hace una flor de un rábano.

The chef’s knife makes flowers out of radishes.

 

El Polo siempre está preparado para tomarse un whisky.

Polo is always ready to have a whiskey. [unclear meaning]

 

Cae la niebla sobre la ciudad para ver si consigue que el hombre se olvide un poco de la realidad.

The fog descended on the city to see if man managed to forget a little of reality.

 

El indice del libro no tiene réplica: lo que no esté en él no estará en el libro. ¡Terrible!

There is nothing like the index of a book.  That which isn’t there, isn’t in the book.  Terrible!

 

Dentro de los turbantes llevan los orientales sus metáforas poéticas.

The Orientals carry their poetic metaphors inside their turbans.

 

El capital de la columna luce la ondulación permanente de la piedra.

The capital of the colum shows the permanent ripples of the stone.

 

Cuando el guardia de la circulación se comienza a quitar un guante, multa fatal.

When the traffic guard begins to take off his glove, it’s a deadly fine.

 

La ola muere en espuma de impotencia al no poder pasar tierra adentro.

At not being able to pass onto land, the wave dies in a spurt of impotence.

 

El día de su presentación en sociedad es cuando la oruga se convierte en mariposa.

The day of one’s presentation to society is when the worm becomes a butterfly.

 

Monólogo quiere decir el mono que habla solo.

A monologue is that which a monkey wishes to say alone.

 

Un burgués flaco revela lo que de calumnioso tiene la palabra «burguesía».

The skinny bourgeois reveals how what slander is in the word bourgeoisie.

 

Cierta mujer no es todas las mujeres, ni todas las mujeres son cierta mujer.  Esa es la tragedia de la vida.

Any one woman is not every woman, and vice versa.  It’s the tragedy of life.

La aurora siempre se sorprende de vernos aún vivos.

The dawn is always surprised to see us still living.

 

El deseo del rayo es plantar en el suelo un árbol eléctrico.

The dream of the sunbeam is to plant an electric tree in the ground.

 

Los profetas hablaban por teléfono con Dios.

The prophets spoke to God on the telephone.

 

La estrella parpadea porque tiene sueño.

The stars twinkle because they are dreaming.

 

La luna es a veces una maestra de escuela que nos quiere enseñar geografía.

The moon is sometimes a schoolteacher who wants to teach us geography.

 

Si el burro comiese carne, sería el anmal mas feroz de la creación.

If the donkey ate meat, it would be the most fericious animal in all creation.

 

Un turbante en la cabeza de una mujer es un nido de ideas de más sombreros y más vestidos.

The turban on a woman’s head is a nest of ideas about more hats and more dresses.

 

Ante su lujoso tocador se preguntaba la gran dama: «¿Es que mi cepillo de plata me ha podido contagiar las canas?»

In front of her elegant vanity, the grand dame asks, “Did I catch gray hair from my silver comb?”

 

Las mariposas las hacen los ángeles en sus horas de oficina.

The butterflies are made by angels during office hours.

 

El mármol sabe esperar su estatua durante siglos.

The marble knows how to wait centuries for its statue.

 

La ola es torpe como ella sola.  Nos trae su sopera con sopa de pescado, y siempre se le cae en la arena.

The wave is uniquely clumsy.  She brings us her tureen filled with fish soup, but always spills it on the sand.

 

El partenueces es un ensañado verdugo.

The nutcracker is a vicious executioner.

 

 

El pez está siempre de perfil.

Fish are always in profile.

 

Amor que ha perdido la memoria: desamor.

Love that has lost its memory is indifference.

 

Como la luna se pone más allá del horizonte, nadie sabe si cae cara o cruz.

As the moon sets, no one knows if it lands heads or tails.

 

No hay que dar la verdad desnuda.  Por lo menos, hay que ponerla un velillo.

One doesn’t have to tell the naked truth.  At least give it a fig leaf.

 

Menos mal que a los mosquitos no les ha dado por tocar el saxofón.

It’s a good thing that mosquitoes can’t play the saxophone.

 

Todos las plantas de los jardines zoológicos preguntan por Linneo.

All of the plants in the botanical gardens ask about Linnaeus.

 

La medalla de plata es la luna oculta en el escote adolescente.

The silver medallion is an eclipsed moon in the teenager’s cleavage.

 

Un marinero es un colegial interno del ingenuo colegio del mar.

The sailor  is a boarding student at the ingenuous school of the sea.

 

Un paquete de sal parece que va a durar mucho, pero se gasta en seguida porque la sosería de la vida es atroz.

The package of salt looks like it will last a while, but it is used up immediately because life is so flavorless.

 

Cuando un hombre muere, sus ideas quedan archivadas; pero se pierde la llave del archivo y el archivo.

When a man dies, his ideas remain archived, but the key and the archive itself are lost.

 

--¿Ha comenzado?

       --Acaba de quitarse la bata la pantalla.

“Has it started?”

“The screen just removed its coat.”

 

Los pulgones de playa son como burbujas de agua mineral que se han escapado.

The aphids on the beach are like bubbles of mineral water that have escaped.

 

Un beso de primera calidad está hecho de fresa con chantilly.

A kiss of the highest quality is made of strawberries and chantilly creme.

 

Si se quiere saber si la luna es de plata hay que verla reflejada en el agua, como para saber si es legítima se hace rebotar la moneda en el mármol.

To know if the moon is made of silver, one must see it reflected in the water, like bouncing a coin against marble to see if it’s fake.

 

Lo más maravilloso de Dios es que creó las cosas sin fórmula, sin boceto ni anteproyecto.

God’s most amazing feat is creating things without formula, sketch, or blueprint.

 

Entre las calvas que nos encontramos por la vida hay unas que son calvas de hombres muertos.

Among the bald spots we encounter in life are some which are from dead men.

 

Las Parcas no cortan ya con tijera el hilo de las existencias, sino con ese aparato con que el chico de la tienda corta el bramante.

The Grim Reaper doesn’t cut the thread of life with scissors, but with a boxcutter.

 

Lo que da más tristeza a la vida son las conferencias sin nadie y los ensayos de órgano.

The saddest things in life are conferences with no attendees and organ rehearsals.

 

Los pelequeros tienen subvencionados a los perros para que ladren a los que van mal afeitados.

Barbers bribe dogs to bark at those poorly shaven.

 

Esa perla que cae entre los senos, como señal entre las hojas de un libro, es como registro para saber qué senos habíamos quedado.

This pearl that falls between the breasts, like a bookmark, is a record of the breasts that remain.

 

Cuando se ahogó ella se escaparon sus senos al cielo, como dos burbujas ideales.

As she drowned, her breasts rose to the sky, like two perfect bubbles.

 

Las películas que hemos querido ver, sin haber podido lograrlo, son como vidas que hemos podido vivir y se nos escaparon.

The movies that we want to watch, but haven’t been able to, are like lives that we wanted to live, but escaped us.

 

El helado que sale reproducción exacta de la torre inclinada de Pisa hay que sorberlo muy de prisa.

Those ice creams in the shape of the Tower of Pisa need to be slurped up very quickly.

 

Los que fechan cualquier cosa con números romanos--MCMXXXV--son unos MMMEMOS.

Those who use Roman numerals for any little thing--MCMXXXV--are MMMORONS.

La sidra quisiera ser champaña, pero no puede porque no ha viajado bastante por el extranjero.

Cider wants to be champagne, but it can’t because it hasn’t spent enough time abroad.

 

En la noche alegre la luna es una panderata.

On happy nights, the moon is a tambourine.

 

A cada disparo recula el cañón, como asustado por lo que acaba de hacer.

At every shot the cannon recoils, as though frightened by what it has just done.

 

El agua se suelta el pelo en las cascadas.

The water lets its hair down in the rapids.

 

La lava parece un cocodrilo que avanza.

The lava looked like an advancing crocodile.

 

En la afinación los violines se rizan el bigote.

During tuning, the violins twirl their moustaches.

 

La gran invención sucederá el día en que el guante de la mano izquierda sirva para la derecha.

The great invention was made on the day when the left glove served as the right.

 

La F es el grifo del abecedario.

The F is the faucet of the alphabet.

 

Hay el especialista en pedir el único plato que se ha acabado en el menú.

Some people are specialists at ordering whatever on the menu is sold out.

 

El mar es la rotativa más antigua del mundo, que tira incesantemente y en rotograbado el diario La Ola.

The seas is the oldest rotary press in the world, turning out the newspaper The Wave incessantly.

 

Cuando el matador va a matar se coloca como fotógrafo que va a instantaneizar a la muerte.

When the matador is about to kill, he positions himself as a photographer about to capture death.

 

Los jardines grises de los fotógrafos son los verdaderos jardines poéticos de los malos sonetos.

The Greek gardens in photographs are the verdant, poetic gardens of bad sonnets.

 

El niño intenta sacarse las ideas por la nariz.

The boy tried to get his ideas out through his nose.

 

Buda es el dios que no hizo régimen en las comidas.

Buddha is the god who doesn’t care what  you eat.

 

En el papel de lija está el mapa del desierto.

Sandaper is a map of the desert.

 

De los escenarios de los cines sale viento del Polo.

The North wind blows from the theater stage.

 

El gorro del cocinero es el gran merengue simbólico.

The chef’s hat is a big, symbolic meringue.

 

Entre los carriles de la vía del tren crecen las flores suicidas.

Suicidal flowers grow on the train tracks.