Monday, August 27, 2018

Ramón Gómez de la Serna: Greguerías (las primeras 300)

Since this is the part of this blog which gets the most attention, by a wide margin, I decided to put a little more effort into it: cleaning up typos, revisiting obtuse translations (I'm especially proud of my untangling of #32), and standardizing format.  Special thanks to Peter Bakowski for the burst of motivation that this project needed.  I thought about adding it as a PDF, insofar as it's likely some will make use of my work without attribution, but I decided against that.  It's not as though I'm a famous scholar with a reputation to uphold, after all.  I do ask that, if you make use of my work, you give me a little credit--perhaps even directing people to my blog!  At any rate, you are welcome, posterity.


1. Esa cosa que tiene el piano de cola dentro para como tejer mantillas de madroños.
The inside of a piano is a loom, and weaves tasseled veils.

2. Al cocinero inexperto se caen los ajos.
Garlic practically drops onto amateur chefs.

3. ¡Qué extraña es la vida! Siempre queda pincel para la goma, pero ya no hay goma.
How strange life is! Always, the brush is left, but the glue is gone.

4. Templar bien el agua del baño es como preperar un buen té.
To prepare a bath carefully is like brewing good tea.

5. El arco del violin cose, como aqua con hilo, notas y almas, almas y notas.
The violin bow sews, like needle and thread, notes and souls, souls and notes.

6. La espina dorsal es el bastón que nos tragamos al nacer.
The spine is the cane we swallow at birth.

7. Cuando la mujer pide ensalada de fruta para dos, perfecciona el pecado original.
When a woman orders fruit salad for two, she perfects the original sin.

8. «Ídem», buen seudónimo para un plagiario.
"Ditto" is a good pseudonym for plagiarism.

9. El que parte salchicón es un monedero falso.
He who splits sausage is a counterfeiter.

10. Los Conejos de Indiias murmuran en los laboratorios: «¡A que se no atreverían a hacer lo mismo con los ojos blancos!»
The laboratory rabbits murmur, "They wouldn't dare to do this if we were bears!"

11. El poeta se alimenta con galletas de luna.
The poet feeds himself on cookies from the moon.

12. A veces nos preguntamos cómo algún hombre malísimo puede proceder de la santa familia que ocupó el Arca, pero para comprenderlo pensamos que alguien se metió de polizón.
Sometimes we wonder how terrible people survived The Great Flood with Noah and his family--but we have to realize that they stowed away.

13. El único fruto pasional que se entreabre ansioso de ver la vida es la granada.
That unique, passionate fruit, the pomegranate, holds life ajar so we can see it.

14. La ametralladora nació del loco deseo que tenia el cazador de meter so cinturón-cartuchera entre gatillo y canon.
The machine gun was born from the hunter's crazy desire to have a belt between the trigger and the barrel.

15. La unidad de fuerza de los motores de aviación no debía ser el caballo, sino el hipogrifo o el clavileño.
The unit of power for airplane engines shouldn't be horsepower, but hippogriffpower or clavileño power.

16. La alcachofa es un alimento para las ebanistas, carpimteros y tallistas.
The artichoke is the food of carpenters, cabinetmakers and woodcarvers.

17. Los húsares van vestidos de radiografía.
The hussars go around dressed as X-rays of themselves.

18. El tren parece el buscapiés del paisaje.
The train seems like the serpent of the landscape.

19. No se sabra nunca si la cresta del gallo quiere ser corona o gorro frigio.
I never know if the rooster's comb wants to be a king's crown, or a peasant's cap.

20. Cuando al casorio se le llama himeneo, parece que va a ser boda con rumba final.
When we call a shotgun wedding a "nuptial feast", it feels like the festival of the last dance.

21. La luna de las rascacioles no es la misma luna de los horizontes.
The moon of the skyscrapers is not the same as the moon of the horizon.

22. Linterna del acomodador nos deja una mancha de luz en el traje.
The usher's flashlight leaves a stain of light on the suit.

23. Eva nació de una Costilla de Adán, pero enseguida devolvió en sus hijos muchas mas costillas que la que la habián adelantado.
Eve was born from Adam's rib, but she later returned it with interest in the form of children (I've probably taken the most liberties with this one).

24. El fotógrafo nos coloca en la postura más dificil con la pretension de que salgamos más naturales.
Photographs plant us in the most unnatural poses, while pretending that they are the most natural.

25. El par de huevos que nos tomamos parece que son gemelos, pero no son ni primos terceros
The pair of eggs we eat seem like twins, but they're not even third cousins.

26. Los hongos y las setas vienen del mundo de los gnomos.
Mushrooms and toadstools come from the world of gnomes.

27. El Dante iba todos los sábados a la pelequería para que le recortasen la corona de laurel.
Every Saturday, Dante went to the theater to trim his laurels.

28. Las espigas hacen cosquillas al viento.
Plumes of grain tickle the wind.

29. La gallina es la única cocinera que sabes hacer con un poco de maíz sin huevo, un huevo sin maíz.
A chicken is the only cook who knows how to make, out of a little corn with no eggs, an egg with no corn.

30. El que se pone la mano en la oreja para oír major parece quiere cazar la mosca de lo que se dice.
A man who cups his hand to his ear to hear seems to hunt for the fly of what is said.

31. Miercoles: día largo por definición.
Wednesday: a long day by any account--even by number of letters.

32. Al que se cae la cerveza encima, es como se hubiese tenido en brazos al Benjamín de la casa.
Whoever spills the last beer might as well have taken the youngest child in his arms.

33. Pingüino es una palabara atacada por las moscas.
"Penguin" is a word attacked by flies.

34. Sólo el poeta tiene el reloj de luna.
Only the poet can take the full measure of the moon.

35. La luna es como un espejito con que la vecina impertinente y juguetona refleja el sol en los ojos del asomado al balcón.
The moon is a little mirror in which the nearby playful and impertinent sun reflects as he peeps over the balcony.

36. La mujer es así: las medias no pueden ir arrugadas, pero los guantes largos sí.
Women are thus: pantyhose can't be wrinkled, but gloves can.

37. El hielo suena en el vaso como el cencerro de cristal de la cabra del whisky.
Ice sleeps in a glass of whisky like the whisky girl’s crystal bell.

38. La pala es la primera y la última amiga del homre, primero en la arena de los juegos infantiles y por fin descansando sobre el ultimo montículo en el cemeterio.
The spade is the ultimate friend of man: at first in the sandbox, at last in the grave.

39. Los perros nos enseñan la lengua como si n os hubiesen tomado por el doctor.
Dogs show us their tongue as if we had taken them to the doctor.

40. El tábano pasa cantándoles el response a las flores.
The horsefly sings dirges for the flowers.

41. Monólogo significa el mono que habla solo.
A monologue means a mono (monkey) talking to himself.

42. Los hay-kais son telegramas poéticos.
Haikus are poetic telegrams.

43. La T es el martillo del abecedario.
"T" is the hammer of the alphabet.

44. Cuando el pollo está bien asado es cuando tiene color de violin.
You know the chicken is grilled perfectly when it is the color of a violin.

45. Las chispas son estornudos de Satanás.
Sparks are the sneezes of Satan.

46. El anfitrión parece ser un señor que toa un instrument musical.
Hosting a party is like playing a musical instrument.

47. Lo más importante de la vida es haber muerto.
The most important thing in life is not to die.

48. Hay más millones de microbios en un billete de Banco que los millones que el Banco dice tener de capital.
There are more germs on a banknote than dollars in a bank.

49. Debía de haber unos gemelos de oler para percibir el perfume de los jardines lejanos.
You have to use both your nostrils to perceive the scent of distant gardens.

50. La magia se ha perdido. ¡Ya hay zapatos de cristal para todos los pies!
There are no magicians anymore. Nowadays, there’s a crystal show on every foot!

51. Los halcones son los perros de caza para el cielo.
Falcons are the hunting dogs of the sky.

52. Los académicos debieran tener derecho a usar en las sesiones gorros de dormer.
Academics must have the right to use their sleeping caps during lessons.

53. El Cid se hacía un nudo en la barba para acordarse de los que tenia que matar.
El Cid made a knot in his beard to conciliate those about to die.

54. La plancha eléctrica parece server café a las camisas.
The electric iron seems to serve coffee to the shirts.

55. En la veleta, el viento monta en bicicleta.
The wind rides the weather vane like a bicycle.

56. El cocodrilo es una maleta que viaja por su cuenta.
The crocodile is a suitcase that travels on his own.

57. El orador es un instrument de viento que toca solo.
An orator is a wind instrument that one plays solo.

58. Los perros buscan afanosamente al dueño que tuvieron en otra encarnación.
Dogs anxiously search for a dream they had in a past life.

59. La luna necesita gatos, pero no puede hacer que llegue a ella ninguno.
The moon needs cats, but she cannot make them come to her.

60. Las ranas están siempre en pleno concurso de natanación.
Frogs are always right in the heat of a swimming contest.

61. El sábado inglés es un injerto de domingo y lunes.
English Saturday is a graft of Sunday and Friday.

62. El demonio no es más que el mono más listo de los monos.
A demon is nothing more than the smartest of monkeys.

63. El camello está siempre apolillado.
The camel is always moth-eaten.

64. La luna es un Banco de metáforas arruinado.
The moon is the ruined bank of metaphors.

65. En los museos de reproducciones escultóricas es donde los papás oyen a los niños las cosas más insólitas: --¡Papá, a mí no me ha salido aún la hoja!
The sculpture museum is where fathers listen to their kids saying the most unusual things: "Papa! I haven’t gotten my leaf yet!).

66. El cocodrilo es un zapato desclavado.
The crocodile is a shoe with the nails pulled out.

67. La oruga del dentífrico.
A caterpillar of toothpaste.

68. --Tráigame una botella de agua con agujeritos.
--¡Ah! –dijo el mozo--. Ya sé… De ese agua con calambre que sabe a pie dormido.
"Bring me a bottle of carbonated water."
"Ah yes,” says the waiter, “The water that cramps and tastes like a sleeping foot."

69. La luna es el ojo de buey del barco de la noche.
The moon is a porthole on the boat of the night.

70. Toda la joyería se ha ruborizado.  ¡La ha mirado un comunista!
All the jewelery blushed. It had seen a communist!

71. La máquinas fotográficas quisieran ser acordeones, y los acordeones, máquinas fotográficas.
All cameras want to be accordions, and vice versa.

72. La luna y la arena se aman con frenesí.
The moon and the sand make frenzied love to each other.

73. La verdosa langosta se pone roja de cólera cuando la hierven.
The green lobster gets its choler up when boiled.

74. No gozamos bien el canto de ruiseñor, porque siempre dudamos de que sea el ruiseñor.
We can't really enjoy the song of the nightingale, because we always doubt if it is really a nightingale.

75. El que transporta el violón se parece a la hormiga cuando cargo una brizna demasiado grande.
The man carrying a double bass seems like an ant carrying a splinter that is too big for him.

76. En el acordeón se exprimen limones musicales.
The accordion juices musical lemons.

77. Diccionario quiere decir millonario en palabras.
The Dictionary wants to say "Millionaire" in words.

78. El mar se está queriendo hacer tirabuzones y nunca lo consigue.
The sea is always wanting to make corkscrews, but never quite succeeds.

79. El ananá es una fruta disfrazada de piel roja.
The pineapple is a fruit dressed up in red skin.

80. Nostalgia: neuralgia de los recuerdos.
Nostalgia: neuralgia of the memories.

81. La niebla acaba en andrajos.
The edges of the fog are rags.

82. El pavo real es un mito jubilado.
The real peacock is a retired myth.

83. La golondrina se encoge de hombros en medio de su vuelo.
The swallow hunches its shoulders in mid-flight

84. Camoens y Cervantes son como dos compañeros de asilo, el uno tuerto y el otro manco.
Camoens and Cervantes are like two friends in a retirement home: one missing an eye, the other missing an arm.

85. El verano está lleno de siseos anónimos.
The summer is full of anonymous hissing.

86. La sonámbula parece llevar en el paréntesis de sus manos extendidas la medida de algo, quizá de su sudario.
The sleepwalker seems to be taking the measure of something with the parenthesis of her extended hands . . . perhaps of her own shroud.

87. La A es la tienda de campaña del alfabeto.
The "A" is the camping tent of the alphabet.

88. «Pan» es palabra tan breve para que podamos pedirlo con urgencia.
"Bread" is such a short word so we can order it quickly.

89. Era tan cumplido que a veces saludaba a los árboles.
He was so courteous that he sometimes saluted the trees.

90. Dos en un auto: idilio.  Tres: adulterio.  Cuatro: secuestro.  Cinco: crimen.  Seis: tiroteo con la policía.
Two in a car: a romance. Three: adultery. Four: kidnapping. Five: crime. Six: a shootout with the police.

91. Acabo de saber lo que es una botella de champaña: un canon antiaéreo.
I just realized what a bottle of champagne really is: an anti-aircraft gun.

92. La arquitectura de la nieve es siempre de estilo gótico.
The architecture of snow is always in the Gothic style.

93. Todas las comas de sus reales decretos las lleva colgadas el rey de su manto de armiño.
Every comma of their royal decrees is hung with their ermine pelts.

94. El Nilo es el río de más hermosa y desmelenad caballera.
The Nile is the river of the most beautiful and disheveled hair.

95.No debe reglarse el cochecito del primer niño.
The first child’s carriage doesn’t need to regulate itself.

96. ¡Que dura le ha salido la barba al erizo!
How stiff the beard of the hedgehog sticks out!

97. Si las miniaturas fuesen comestibles, serían exquisitas.
If the miniatures were edible, they would be delicious.

98. El grillo mide las pulsaciones de la noche.
The cricket keeps the pulse of the night.

99. Los plátanos envejecen en un solo día.
Plantains get old in just one day.

100. Hipocondríaco, so sé por qué, me parece algo así como la mezcla disparatada de hipopótamo y cocodrilo.
For some reason, the hypochondriac seems to me like a disparate mixture of a crocodile and a hippopotamus (a play on the spelling of the three words in Spanish).

101. La luna en la solapa de la noche es la condecoración circulante.
The moon sits on the night like a medal of honor.

102. A las palmeras Viejas las sale en los troncos la pelambre de la vejez.
Palm trees sprout the manes of old age from their trunks.

103. De la pipa, y también de los cigarillos, saltan pulgas de fuego con mala picadura.
From pipe and cigarette alike, bad tobacco cause fleas of fire to jump out.

104. El trueno es un tambor mayor sin oído.
Thunder is a drum without noise.

105. El pitido del tren solo sirve para sembrar de melancolía los campos.
The only purpose of the train's whistle is to scatter melancholy over the countryside.

106. El cilista es un vampire de la velocidad.
The bicyclist is a vampire of velocity.

107. Lo malo de helicóptero es que siempre parece un juguete.
The bad thing about a helicopter is that it always seems like a toy.

108. Los lagos som los charcos que quedaron del Diluvio.
Lakes are puddles left by the Flood.

109. Definición amanerada: la cucaracha es un traslatico lunar de la noche.
Artistic definition: the cockroach is a metaphorical beauty mark on the night.

110. El granizo arroja su arroz festejando la boda del estío.
The hail throws its rice, celebrating the marriage of Summer.

111. Las olas esculpen en las rocas calaveras de gigantes.
The waves sculpt skulls of giants out of the rocks.

112. Las Venus marmóreas de los museos presentan manchas de pellizcos.
The marble Venuses in museums show bruises from pinching.

113. Si el espejo corriese de pronto su cortina de azogue, veríamos nuestra radiografía.
If the mirror were to pull aside her mercury curtain, we would see our X-ray.

114. Al oír la noticia se desmayó el sofá.
The sofa faints to hear the news.

115. El hielo se derrite porque llora de frío.
The ice melts because it cries cold.

116. El reloj es una bomba de tiempo, de mas o menos tiempo.
The watch is a time bomb--a bomb of more or less time.

117. El beso es una nada en paréntesis.
A kiss is a nothing in parenthesis.

118. Como psicoanalistas descubrimos que esa que se ha hecho un traje con tantos botones es que quiere ser piano.
119. Like psychoanalysts, we discover that he has made this suit with so many buttons because he wants to be a piano.

120. En las playas, nuestros zapatos se convierten en relojes de arena.
On the beach, our shoes turn into hourglasses.

121. Donde es más feliz el agua ese n los cangilones de la noria.
Water is happiest in the paddles of a water wheel.

122. Queremos ser de piedra y somos de gelatin.
We want to be stone, but we are gelatin.

123. Lo que más les molesta a las estatuas de marmól es que tienen siempre los pies fríos.
The biggest grievance of marble statues is that they always have cold feet.

124. Don juan pide amor somo quien pide trabajo.
Don Juan looked for love like somebody else would look for a job.

125. Hay unas vallas que los niños creen que están hechas con gran lápices.
There are fences that children think are made of giant pencils.

126. El sueño es un depósito de objetos extraviados.
Dreams are repositories of stray objects.

127. El peine es pentgrama de ideas muertas.
Combs are the musical staves of dead ideas.

128. En los gallineros hay nevada de plumas.
There is a snowstorm of feathers in the henhouse.

129. La arquitectura árabe es el agrandamiento del ojo de la cerradura.
Arabic architecture is a magnification of the keyhole.

130. El murciélago se ve que ha salido de la caja de prestidigitación del diablo.
The bat flies as if it had come out of the Devil's magic box.

131. De los nuncos nació el flamenco.
Flamenco was born from the reeds.

132. La luna es la lavandera de la noche.
The Moon is the night's laundress.

133. Los crisantemos son unas flores del fondo del mar que prefieron vivir sobre la tierra.
Chrysanthemums are flowers from the bottom of the ocean that prefer to live on land.

134. El sol es la panacea universal: nos hace vivir a nosotros, pero también a los microbios.
The sun is the universal medicine: It gives us life, and the microbes.

135. La luna es el ojo de cristal del cielo.
The moon is the crystal eye of the heavens.

136. La ruleta es un juguete infantil que pone trágicos a los hombres.
Roulette is the child's game that gives tragedy to men.

137. El elefante que anuncia el circo en los pueblos está hecho con todos los artistas de la compañia.
The elephant that announces the circus in the town is made up of all the members of the company.

138. La chicharra es el timbre despertador de la siesta.
The cicada is the alarm bell of the nap.

139. El alma sale del cuerpo como fuse la camisa interior a la que llegó el día del lavado.
The soul flees the body like an undershirt on wash day.

140. Los cuernos del toro buscan un torero desde el principio del mundo.
The horns of the bull have sought the bullfighter since the beginning of the world.

141. Cuando el teléfono le suenan los oídos da esa comunicación que «no era nadie».
When the telephone rings in the ears, it gives the message, "Nobody home".

142. Ese que habla del cosmos parece que habla de un gran bazar.
That which speaks of the universe does so as if it were speaking of a grand marketplace.

143. La yegua unto al caballito de unos meses es la tentación de los fotógrafos.
The mare with a young pony is the temptation of the photographers.

144. El que usa bigote recortado como cepillo de dientes es un profiláctico.
He who uses his moustache like a toothbrush is a prophylactic.

145. El poeta miraba tanto al cielo que le salió una nube en un ojo.
The poet looked at the sky so much that a cloud came out of his eye.

146. La lógica es el pulverizador de la razón.
Logic is the destroyer of reason.

147. El buen escritor na sabe nunca si sabe escribir.
The good writer knows nothing if he knows writing.

148. La herencia es un regalo por el que hay que dar mucha propina.
An inheritance is a gift for him who has to tip well.

149. No hay forestas vírgenes, porque precisamente por las forestas vírgenes es por donde más corren los satíros.
There is no such thing as a virgin forest. Those forests we call "virgin" are filled with satyrs.

150. El peor atavismo que tenemos es el atavismo de morir.
The worst atavism we have is death.

151. A la civilización le falta inventar las gaviotas mensajeras.
Civilization needs to invent messenger seagulls.

152. Hay melones que parecen quesos, pero son melones.
There are melons that seem to be cheeses, but are melons nonetheless.

153. Hay quienes se suenan de tal modo, que esperamos que se quiten el pañuelo de la cara para ver si tienen la nariz de cuerno de los rinocerontes.
There are those that sleep in such a way that we expect, when we remove the handkerchief from their face, to see a rhinoceros horn.

154. El que está en Venecia es el engañado que cree estar en Venecia.  El que sueña con Venecia es el que está en Venecia.
He who is in Venice is deceived into thinking he is in Venice. He who dreams he is in Venice is the one who is in Venice.

155. Estaba tan loco que el sastre le preguntó, al hacerle el chaleco, si se lo hacía con mangas largas.
It was so crazy, what the tailor asked: to make him a waistcoat, when he knew he made it with long sleeves.

156. El día en que la luna se comre un automóvil, la noche será mucho más breve.
The day the moon buys a car, the night will be much shorter.

157. Cuando cae una Estrella parece que se le ha corrido un punto a la media del cielo.
When a star falls, it seems like a point had run down the middle of the sky.

158. Comió tanto arroz que aprendió a hablar el chino.
He ate so much rice that he learned Chinese.

159. La mujer que se muestra insinuante con el hombre mientras fuma engaña al cigarillo con el hombre y al hombre con el cigarillo.
The woman who poses suggestively while smoking deceives the man with the cigarette, and deceives the cigarette with the man.

160. Gloria: nombre de la mujer del genio.
Gloria: name for a woman of genius.

161. Cuando la flor pierde el primer pétalo, ¡ya esta perdida por entero!
When a flower loses its first petal, it is already lost entirely!

162. El lirio no llega a la orquídea porque no sabe peinarse.
The iris doesn't become an orchid, simply because it doesn't know how to comb itself.

163. El calamari es el tintoreo para los lutos de los peces.
The squid is the tinctor for the fish's mourning garments.

164. El anillo que ponen a la Paloma mensajera debiera ser reloj pulsera para que cumpliese puntualmente su mensaje.
The band one puts on a pigeon's leg has to be a watch, so that it can deliver its messages punctually.

165. El humo sube al cielo cuando debía bajar al infierno.
The smoke rose to the sky when it was supposed to descend to hell.

166. El naúfrago sale convertido en un mendigo al que regalaron un traje que le viene grande.
The castaway comes out converted into a beggar to whom they gave a suit that doesn’t fit.

167. Existen unas cabezas cuya conformación se debe a que cayó sobre ellas una columna.
Some heads look like a column fell on them.

168. Las únicas que saben de arquitectura comparada son los golondrinas
The only ones who understand comparative architecture are the swallows.

169. El bújo es un espantapájaros que se come los pájaros.
The owl is a scarecrow that eats the birds.

170. El reloj que atrasa es un reloj ahorrativo
A slow watch is a thrifty watch.

171. Poner notas a los libros es un atrevimiento, como la sería el retocar los cuadros de una exposición
To put notes in a book is insolent, like touching up the paintings in a gallery.

172. Lo mejor del cielo es que no puede inundarse de hormigas.
The best thing about heaven is that it can’t be flooded with ants.

173. El arroyo trae al valle llas murmuraciones de las montañas.
The stream brings the gossip of the mountains to the valley.

174. Lo irracional es así: el animal que se mira en un espejo cree que es un amigo o una amiga, nunca él mismo.
It’s as irrational as this:  the animal who looks in a mirror and sees a friend, never itself.

175. La mano del ladrón es un manojo de ganzúas con uñas.
The hand of a thief is a bundle of lockpicks with fingernails.

176. El campesino que lleva un conejo colgando de la mano lo lleva la elegancia con que un inglés lleva un paraguas.
The peasant who carries a rabbit dangling from his hand does so with the elegance of an Englishman carrying an umbrella.

177. Era unos de esos días en que el viento quiere hablar.
It was one of those days when the winds wants to speak.

178. Los bancos públicos son los pentagramas de las iniciales del amor.
Lovers carve their initials into the bank of the river as if it was a musical staff.
Literally: Public banks are the musical staffs of the initials of love.

 179. Lo peor de la ambición es que no sabe bien lo que quiere.
The worst thing about ambition is not knowing what you want.

180. El camello tiene la nuez en la joroba
The camel has his adam’s apple in his back.

181. El léon en su jaula parece vivir de renta
The lion in his cage seems to pay rent.

182. Había tanta gente esperando el tranvía, que parecía la inauguración del primer tren.
There were so many people waiting for the trolley, it seemed like the opening ceremony.

183. Cuando el cocinero hace mucha espuma al batir, le crece el gorro.
When the cook has a lot of foam to beat, he fluffs his hat.

184. El ballenero lanza la aguja enhebrada del arpón y cose la ballena al barco.
The whaler hurls the threaded needle of his harpoon and sews the whale to his boat.

185. La ardilla limpia con el plumero de su cola el sitio en que se sienta.
The squirrel uses his tail to dust off his seat.

186. La golondrina llega de tan lejos porque es fleche y arco al mismo tiempo.
The swallow can fly so far because it is at once bow and arrow.

187. El sueño es un pequeño adelanto que nos hace la muerte para que nos sea más fácil pasar la vida.
Dreams are little steps toward death that make life easier to live.

188. El cráneo es la bóveda alta del corazón
The cranium is the vaulted ceiling of the heart.

189. El cacahuete tiene algo atravesado en la garganta
The peanut has something blocking its throat.

190. Aparece lo práctico en la civilización cuando se inventa la herradura
Practicality only appeared in civilization when the horseshoe was invented.

191. En el otro mundo se debe de respirar mejor.  Respiraremos sin pulmones a pleno aire.
They breathe better in the other world.  Without lungs, we breathe purer air.

192. El micrófono es ya don Micrófono, un personaje de americana y cuya aureola son las ondas reveladoras del ser milagroso.
The microphone has already become Sir Microphone, an American character whose aura is the waves that reveal his miraculousness.

193. Los sillones de mimbre son los esqueletos de los sillones tapizados
Wicker chairs are the skeletons of upholstered chairs

194. La ópera es la verdad de la mentira, y la cine es la mentira de la verdad.
Opera captures the truth in lies, and cinema the lies in truth.

195. En el lavabo del vagón nos lavamos del negro crimen del viaje
We wash our hands of the black crimes of our journey in the sinks of the passenger train.

196. Las gallinas blancas están en paños menores
The white hens go around in their underwear

197. Los murciélagos nos pasan de parte a parte como balas perdidas
The bats pass from place to place like stray bullets

198. Los que se desperezan son como salvajes que disparan su flecha al aire
Those who stretch themselves are like savages launching their arrows in the air.

199. Cuando más admiro la paternidad es cuando veo salir al niño con las mismas largas narices del padre.
One admires paternity the most when seeing the children come out with the same long noses as their father.

200. Hay un momento en que el astrónomo debajo del gran teloscopio se convierte en microbio del microscopio de la luna, que se asoma a observarle.
There’s a moment when the astronomer under his great telescope turns himself into a microbe under the microscope of the moon, who leans out to observe him.

201. Es que lleva el paraguas abierto cuando ya no llueve parece un paracaidista caído del nido.
When you carry an open umbrella you look like a parachutist fallen to Earth.

202. La S es el anzuelo del abecedario.
The S is the fishhook of the alphabet

203. Lo único que comen las puertas son esas nueces que les damos a partir
The only thing that doors eat is the nuts they came from.

204. Cuando el cisne submerge en el agua cabeza y cuello, es como la mano be un brazo femenino que busca en el fondo del baño una sortija.
When the swan ducks head and neck underwater, it’s like a feminine hand searching for her ring in the bottom of the tub.

205. Bajo la sombra de ese árbol que hay en medio de la llanura están en cuclillas y de tertulia todas las ideas del paisaje.
Under this solitary tree in the middle of the plain, all the ideas of the landscape are squatting in a group.

206. Es dificil imaginar que una monda calavera sea una calavera de mujer.
It is difficult to imagine that a naked skull could be that of a woman.

207. Las cenizas de cigarro que quedan entre las páginas de los libros viejos son la major imagen de lo que quedó en ellos de la vida del que los leyó.
The cigar ashes between the pages of old books are the best symbol of the ashes of the lives of those who read them.

208. Aquella noche era la luna como la coronilla del obispo de la noche.
That night the moon was like the mitre of the bishop of night.

209. El ruido de los pies descalzos de una mujer sobre los baldosines da una fiebre sensual y cruel.
The sound of a woman’s bare feet on the tiles imparts a cruel and sensual fever.

210. La golondrina es una fleche mística en busca de un corazon.
The swallow is a magic arrow in search of a heart.

211. El cepillo es un milpiés que se escapa siempre del sitio en que debía estar.
The comb is but a millipede escaped from its proper place.

212. Cómo dicen ¡adios! y cómo están hechas para decir ¡adios! las mangas largas de los pierrots.
How they say goodbye! and how they are made to do it, those long sleeves of the pierrots!

213. El saltamontes es una espiga escapada que ha comenzando a dar brincos descomedidos.
The grasshopper is an escaped ear of grain which has begun to jump wildly.

214. El whiskey es el árnica del estómago.
Whiskey is a tonic for the stomach.

215. Hay pensamientos pacificadores, como éste: “El sexo daría interés a un peñasco.”
Pacifists sometimes think “Sex would make even a boulder interesting.”

216. Cuando en la mesa solemne nos encontramos en el plato la tarjeta con nuestro nombre, pensamos que ya podían habernos hecho un ciento.
When we finally find the plate with our namecard by it at fancy dinners, we think “they could have made us a chair by this time.”

217. Los papeles que se tiran arrugados en el fondo del cesto se desarrugan como con vida propia y submarina.
The crumpled papers in the bottom of the basket uncrumple themselves as if with a submarine life of their own.

218. El gesto de sacarse el pañuelo del faldón del frac es un gesto indecente e ignominioso
The gesture of clearing the tails of one’s coat is both ignominious and indecent.

219. Mete tanto ruido una cucharilla al caer porque es el niño de los cubiertos el que ha caído
The falling teaspoon makes so much noise because it is the child of the cutlery on which it falls.

220. Hay cielos sucios en que parecen haberse limpiado los pinceles de todos los acuarelistas del mundo.
There are dirty skies in which all the painters of the world seems to have washed their brushes.

221. El mono parece proceder del coco peludo como si hubiese salido de su huevo
The monkey seems to have come from a hairy coconut as if from an egg.

222. La jirafa es un caballo alargado por la curiosidad
The giraffe is a horse lengthened by curiosity

223. El más pequeño ferrocarril del mundo es la oruga
The caterpillar is the world’s smallest train.

224. Cuando baja una mujer por una escalera de caracol parece haber sido despedida del Paraíso
When a woman descends a spiral staircase, she seems to be saying farewell to heaven.

225. ¡Cómo rompe los calcetines lo que tenemos de monos irremisibles!
How our socks wear out when our overalls are beyond hope!

226. La niña con el aro en la mano va al jardín como al colegio, a jugar con la circunferencia y la tangente.
The girl with a ring in hand goes to the garden as if to school, to play with the circumference and the tangent.

227. Tengo suprimido el parenthesis de (q.e.p.d.) porque no hay nada que ponga más nerviosos a los muertos.
We have to put parenthesis around the letters (R.I.P.) because nothing makes the dead more nervous.

228. Los tornillos son los gusanos de hierro.
Screws are but iron worms

229. No me gustan esas sillas de tubo metálico que parecen arrodilladas.
I don’t like these chairs made of metal tubing that look like they’re groveling

230. En las tormentas hay truenos sin rayos porque su rayo se ha traspapelado, y por lo mismo hay rayos con olvido de su trueno correspondiente.
During the storm, there are thunderclaps that have misplaced their lightning bolts, and lightning bolts that have forgotten their thunderclaps.

231. A veces el abrelibros no marcha porque ha tropezado con el nudo de la novella.
Sometimes the book knife gets stuck on the climax of the novel.

232. Los sellos son el tafetán de las cartas.
Stamps hair ribbons for letters.

233. La gaviotas nacieron de los pañuelos que diceon ¡adios! en los puertos.
Seagulls are born from the handkerchiefs that wave goodbye in doorways.

234. Uno de los contrastes más graciosos de los espectáculos modernos es cuando el boxeo el hombre pequeño en mangas de camisa y con corbata ayuda a levanter el brazo al atleta triunfador.  ¡Que trabajo le cuesta!
One of the funniest contrasts of modern spectacle is when in boxing the little man in his tie and shirtsleeves raises the arm of the victor.  How much effort it costs him!

235. Los ceros son los huevos de los salieron las demás cifras.
Zeros are the eggs from which all other figures are hatched.

236. Es conmovedor en las óperas ver que cuando lloriquea la que canta, todo el coro la consuela.
It’s very moving to see the entire opera chorus console the wailing singer.

237. Las básculas marcan las doce en punto.
The scales mark midnight on the dot.

238. El mar se pasa la vida duchando a la tierra para ver de hacerla entrar en razón.
The sea spends its life splashing water on the face of the Earth, trying to bring it to its senses.

239. Las plumas estilográficas son desobedientes como niños que no saben o no quieren escribir.
Fountain pens are as disobedient as children who neither know how to nor desire to write.

240. El rayo es una especie de sacacorchos encolerizado.
Lightning is a type of enraged corkscrew.

241. –¿Oyes ese olor? –dijo ella en el jardín.
“Do you hear this aroma?” she asked in the garden.

242. El que toma el refresco con dos pajas parece que toca la doble flauta de Pan.
One who drinks with two straws looks like Pan playing his double flute.

243. Botella: sarcófago del vino.
The bottle is the sarcophagus of the wine.

244. Los corsés musicales de la pianola.
The musical corsets of the player piano.

245. ¿Y si las hormigas fuesen los marcianos establecidos en la Tierra?
And what if ants were Martians who colonized the Earth?

246. Hacer símiles parece cosa de simios.
Making similes seems like the work of simians.

247. Cuando se ve la calavera de un buey en el campo se piensa que la muerte ha andado jugando al toro por allí.
When you cee the skull of an ox in the countryside, you think that death had been playing around with a bull there.

248. La escoba nueve no quiere barrer.
The new broom doesn’t like to sweep.

249. La melancolía de los ríos de América es que son tan grandes que no pueden tener puentes.
The rivers of America are gloomy because they are too big to have bridges.

250. ¿Que es la ilusión? Un suspiro de la fantasia.
What is illusion? The sigh of fantasy.

251. El agua de Colonia es el whisky para la ropa.
Eau de cologne is whiskey for your clothes.

252. Lo más bonito del crista les cuando se rompe en forma de telaraña.
Crystals are most beautiful when the break into spiderwebs.

253. En la rotativa que gira y gira en la noche del diario, es el mundo el que da vueltas y deja en el papel sus huellas, como el rostro del Redentor en el paño de la Verónica.
The printing press that turns and turns every night, is the world that turns and leaves its footprints on paper, as the face of the Redeemer was left on Saint Veronica’s veil.

254. En el coche comedor del tren no comemos el paisaje, pero a veces se nos atraganta.
In the dining car of the train, we don’t eat the scenery, but sometimes it chokes us nonetheless.

255. A veces pensamos si la gran equivocación de la vida es creer que la cabeza se ha hecho para pensar.
At times, one thinks that the greatest mistake in life is to believe that the brain was made for thinking.

256. El murciélago es un pájaro policía.
The bat is the policeman of the parrots.

257. Las gallinas se sitúan en los palos del gallinero como si fuesen a ver una representación del Don Juan protagonizado por el gallo.
The hens sit themselves on the rails of their henhouse as if they were going to see a performance of Don Juan, with the rooster playing the lead role.

258. Las vacas aprenden geografía mirándose unas a otras sus manchas blancas y negras.
Cows learn geography by observing the black and white marks on each other.

259. No hay que suicidarse, porque merece la pena vivir aunque no sea mas que para ver revolotear las moscas.
We mustn’t kill ourselves, because it’s worth the pain of life—even though there’s nothing more to do than watch the flies buzzing around.

260. El que afila un cuchillo con otra en la comida del restaurante es como si se desafiase consigo mismo.
He who sharpens two knives against each other while eating in a restaurant is as one who is challenging himself.

261. El tranvía aprovecha las curvas para llorar.
The streetcar uses the curves of the track as an excuse to cry.

262. En los cines, los calvos parecen ver major la pelicula, como si se reflejase en su calva y en sus ojos.
In the theater, bald people seem to see the film better—as if they could see it reflected in their scalps and their eyes.

263. El viaje en subterráneo nos convierte en ratas.
The underground road turns us into rats.

264. La luna inventa unas casas que no son más que espejismos de su imaginación, unas casas tan gratuitas que no existen.
The moon invents houses that are no more than figments of your imagination, houses freer than any that really exist.

265. El durazno guarda dentro su gran hueso para apedrear a los que le quieran arrancar del árbol, pero después no sabe defenderse.
The peach has a big pit to stone those who would pluck it from the tree, but afterward it can’t defend itself.

266. Hay unas noches acústicas del verano en que se oyen tantos los trenes, sus traspiés y sus traqueteos, que se convierte uno en jefe de estación.
There are those acoustic nights of summer, where every train can be heard, every creak and rattle, turning one into a stationmaster.

267. La transfusión es como llenar la estilográfica.
A blood transfusion is like filling a fountain pen.

268. Hay una tos con ruedas dentadas.
Some coughs have gears in them.

269. ¿Los sueños son nuevos, o los tenemos de muy antiguo?
Are dreams new, or do they have a long history?

270. La vida tiene miedo a morir, precisamemte por miedo a morir.
Life is afraid of death, precisely for fear of dying.

271. El amanecer, el alba echa diez céntimos en el jaula del pajaro y comienza su trino.
At daybreak, the dawn tosses a dime in the bird’s cage to start its song.

272. Las focas son bañistas empedernidas, sentenciadas a ser bañistas en invierno y en verano.
Seals are inveterate swimmers, sentenced to swim in winter and summer.

273. Cuando la bella mano feminine nos ofrece azúcar y su dueña nos pregunta: «¿Dos o tres?», nosotros contesaríamos: «¡Los cinco!»
When a lovely, feminine hand offers us sugar, and its owner asks, “One or two?”, we would answer, “All five!”

274: Hay que inventar un sillón de brazos mecánicos que hagan cosquillas al hombre serio, ¡para ver si así se sonríe al fin! We should invent a mechanical armshair, that tickles serious men, so we could see if they laugh at last!

275. El queso Roquefort teiene gangrena.
Roquefort cheese has gangrene.

276. El que come pescado con muchas espinas, come deletreando.
He who eats fish with a lot of bones must do so scrutinously.

277. Venecia es el sitio en que navegan los violones.
Venice is the place where contrabasses sail.

278.  Cuano encontramos un gusano en la fruta lo guillotinamos de tal manera que un día se vengara.
When we find a worm in our fruit, we guillotine it as if it were the day of vengeance.

279.  Cuando el niño se empeña en que reconozcamos el tamaño de su chichón parece que nos presenta orgullosamente el brote del genio.
When a boy insists we admire the size of his lump, it’s as if he were proudly displaying the evidence of his genius.

280. Los recuerdos encogen como las camisetas.
Memories shrink like shirts.

281. Suerte excepcional es la de esa columna que ha quedado en pie en medio de la ruina de los siglos.
The luck of this column is amazing, which remains standing among the ruins of centuries.

282. En el rebuzno, el burro se suena sin pañuelo.
When he brays, the donkey blows his nose without a handkerchief.

283. Los cigarros son los dedos del tiempo que se convierten en ceniza.
Cigars are the fingers of time, which they turn into ash.

284. Las parejas de cisnes parecen que señalan siempre una misma cifra, el 22; pero a veces, cuando uno de ellos está entrado en el agua y el otro está en pie, a la orilla, señalan el 24.
Pairs of swans seem always to be tracing the same number: 22; but sometimes when one is in the water and one is standing, they trace a 24.

285. La timidez es como un traje mal hecho.
Timidity is like a poorly-made suit.

286. Cuando la mujer mira al trasluz sus medias se produce el eclipse del mundo.
When a woman looks at her stockings against the light, she eclipses the world.

287. Los armarios de luna son como confesionarios, que saben todos los calcetines zurcidos que tenemos.
Mirrored wardrobes are like confessionals, that know all of our mended socks.

288. Después de haber abierto un libro con el abrepapeles nos sentimos como barberos que acaban de afeitar a un cliente.
After having opened a book with a knife, we feel like a barber who just finished shaving a client.

289. El canario hace filaturas de filigrana con el espacio y el tiempo.
The canary spins filigrees out of space and time.

290. No es elegante sacarse pelusa de los bolsillos en una visita.
It’s not elegant to pick lint out of your pockets while visiting.

291. Los que van al cine se alimentan de fanstamas pasados por la luz. 
Those who go to the cinema nourish themselves on pantasie passing through the light.

292.  El camello lleva a cuestas el horizonte y su montañita.
The camel carries both the horizon and its little mountain on its back.

293.  La gaita es una especie be bota de vino musical.
The bagpipe is a species of musical wineskin.

294.  «Agonía»: palabra muy corta que a veces es muy larga. 
“Agony”: a short word that can be very long.

295.  Las moscas hacen el gesto de estarse lavando las manos sin cesar, como diciendo: «¡Nosotrosno tenemos la culpa si somos contagiosas!»
Flies are always going through the motions of washing their hands, as if to say, “It would be our fault if we are contagious!”

296.  «¡Ojalá!» es la palabra más moral del diccionario.  El ojo de Alá se proyecta en ella sobre el deseado porvenir. 
“Hopefully!” is the most moral word in the dictionary.  The eye of Allah projects itself there for the desired future.  (Untranslatable wordplay based on the Spanish for “eye” and “Allah”)

297.  El sostén es el antifaz de los senos.
The bra is a mask for the breasts.

298.  Los ojos chinos son como son porque tienen sueño de siglos.  Cuando pasen por nuestra raza tantos siglos por la raza china, nuestros ojos serán oblicuos y entornados.
Chinese eyes are the way they are because they have the dream of centuries.  When our race has passed as many centuries as they have, our eyes will also be oblique and turned in.

299.  El reflejo de la luna en el lago es como el teclado de luz de un gran piano de agua.
The reflection of the moon on the lake is like a keyboard of light on a grand piano of water.

300.  Lo que pone más rabiosa a la ballena es que la llamen cetáceo.
There’s no better way to infuriate a whale than to call it a “cetacean”.

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Agatha Christie: Crooked House

She did it again.  She got me.  It has been decades since I read Agatha Christie, enough time to have disarmed me against her singular skill.  What a delicate balance it must be to write a whodunnit that is at once solvable by the reader, and completely unsolvable.  The masterstroke of the genre is the feeling at the end of revealing the reader to have been a dunce, inspiring in her or him the thought "Why didn't I see it before?" 

When combined with Christie's gift for believable dialogue and character, and just a touch of insight into human nature, this volume is the very definition of a good summer read: engaging and enjoyable, but contemplative and rewarding.  As I always say after reading something that takes me less than a week, "I should read more of these."

Monday, July 30, 2018

Elfriede Jelinek: The Piano Teacher

Considering the overlap between Jelinek's personal history and that of her protagonist here, the urge to approach it as an autobiography is strong indeed.  If it is an autobiography, however, it is one of such brutal and explicit character that it is neither a wonder that it was censored as pornographic at the time of its publication, nor that Jelinek is on record discouraging such a reading.  It would, in fact, be the fulfillment of Muriel Rukeyser's prediction that if a woman told the truth about her life, the world would split open.  The book is so unforgivingly graphic that the word "obscene" seems to fall short.

Perhaps it is possible to read the book as autobiography without sacrificing the assumption of fictionality that alone preserves the world from splitting open, however.  Erika's story can be Elfriede's story, even if Erika and Elfriede are not the same person.  The book blends metaphor and narrative in a way that encourages such an approach, abruptly departing from the plot on flights of poetic fancy and returning as if nothing had happened.  Where Elfriede's life ends and Erika's begins is no clearer than the distinction between what is said, what is merely thought, and what is simply the author's opinion of the goings-on in the book.

What is real, what survives the ultimately irrelevant question of fictionality, is Jelinek's gruesome portrait of human desire: so incisive that it would be impossible for her to have entirely invented it.  And it is not only this desire that the author and protagonist presumably have in common; it is also the desire to capture and express it satisfactorily.  "When a student asks her what her goal is, she says, 'Humanity'," could easily be applied to either party (13).  But where Erika fails, Elfriede succeeds.  She gives form to "the wish to penetrate thoroughly and be penetrated thoroughly" that I know, she knows, and presumably all humanity knows at the core of our id (169).  Often for Jelinek, that form is a mouth that desires not to consume, but only to bite.  She saturates the book with the image, in literal actions, in figurative speech, and, as is her habit, often not bothering to indicate which is intended.

And the book itself holds true to the image.  It bites, tears, and chews the reader, but never swallows.  It is a work of desire, after all; not of satiety.  And if, when Erika/Jelinek end the narrative with a startling but meaningless gesture, the reader is left blueballed, begging for something more final, decisive, consuming.  No such release is forthcoming, and the reader must look elsewhere for satisfaction. "He pleads with [Elfriede], but she refuses. He touches himself in order to complete [Elfriede's] handiwork . . . now he will never experience what he could carry out with her, what judgement, what sentence, if she allowed it" (181-2).

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

An American in Paris

In 2015, when I saw the Broadway show based on this movie, I came away thinking it was tedious, convoluted, and a little rapey.  In 1952, I suppose it was common, though still unacceptable, for an adult man to chase a 19 year old girl around like a fawn, corner her, and badger her until she agreed to a date.  Perhaps then it didn't set off any alarm bells, and maybe was even perceived as romantic.  Perhaps it was normal for a wealthy woman to do the same to that man, using financial instead of social pressure.  Serious scrutiny in power imbalances in relationships is rather a modern development, after all.  The composer and his muse, the savior and his ward, the artist and his prey, the patron and her protege, every relationship in the musical was a study in harassment and coercion.  Gross.

As tedious and convoluted as the musical was, at least the movie was not those things.  But it was still a study in the relationships of horrible people.  A suitable alternate title might be "A Fuckboi Gets a Taste of His Own Medicine".  It was art, no doubt.  The score, cinematography, performances (although Leslie Caron visibly struggles to hold her own in the longer sequences), choreography, all top notch.  And in a movie from 1952, it's natural to see the unpleasant social practices of that decade reflected under the glamour.  But of all the changes that were made for the musical, why preserve the one element that aged poorly, and falls on modern tastes like spoiled milk?

Monday, July 09, 2018

허영만: 식객 2

요즘은 Samin Nostrat의 Salt Fat Acid Heat이란 조리법 책이 주목 많이 받고 있다.  그 책은 모든 식사에 네 가지 맛이 있어야 균형이 있다고 한다.  문학도 그렇지 안흘까? Shakespeare가 얼마나 비극적인 작품이라도 광대를 포함시키는 것을 보니 그렇다는 생각이 떠오른다.  사실, Shakespeare의 직품 중 낭만, 희극, 역사, 비극 모두다 드러가는 Henry V가 가장 완벽하다고 생각 한다.  그러나 낭만이 없어도 작품이 완벽할 수가 있죠.  완벽한, 균형이 잘 된 작품에 꼭 드러가는 요소는 뭣일까?

식객 1과 마찬가지로, 이 권에서 보이는 네 가지 요소가 결합해서 완벽하다고 할 수가 있다.  물론 장르에 적당한 솜씨가 있어야 하지만그것 밖에 없으면 작품을 보고 "촣네요"라고 하다가 작품을 바로 잊는다.  만화, 소설, 영화, 도화 모두 다 그렇다.  식객은 잘 만들기와 그 외에  감정, 휴머, 철학 다 들어가며 이 네 가지 "맛"에 절묘한 규형을 유지되어있어 원벽하다고 하며 내가 이 책을 잘 먹었다. 

Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Nigel Hardwood (ed.): English Language Teaching Materials: Theory and Practice

This sort of themed collection invariably leaves me with the same impression as professional development conferences.  Namely: 40% people who had something to say, but didn't know how to say it; 40% the opposite; and 20% people who both had something to offer and knew how to present it.  Given the theme of the collection, one can't help but wonder if the chapters included here couldn't have benefited from a bit of the critical analysis of "materials" in general that it purported to offer.

But just as I often do at PD conferences, I walked away from this book with a few useful things for immediate application (some applications for corpus-based materials, open-ended narratives, and authentic source material), several potentially fruitful lines of future inquiry (meta-cognition in listening materials, use of "moves" in rhetorical analysis), and some grounding in current pedagogical viewpoints and terminology that can be used to shore up and refine my existing approaches (distinctions between "task" and "activity", and "principles of language acquisition" and "principles of language teaching").  So even though I had to suffer through a few "sessions" that left me resentful for my wasted time and engagement, it was still worth going to this little conference.

Monday, July 02, 2018

Al-Baqarah 2

I'm beginning to get a feel for the shape of this book, and I definitely am going to need to reread the entire thing consecutively after picking apart the verses.

88: An absolutely fascinating choice of words here.  Hulusi's choice to render غُلفٌ as "cocooned" is certainly defensible, but no more so that "wrapped" or "uncircumcised" in the other translations I'm consulting.  Perhaps this last is the most evocative, considering the topic at hand, but it casts interesting light on the semiotics of circumcision as a cultural practice.

89: Hulusi assumes that the "Book from Allah" mentioned here is the word of Muhammad, but this is rather convoluted semantically.  It seems premature to state that the book itself has been rejected, when ostensibly only the first two books had been written.

90: Hulusi's additions here are of the less excusable sort.  He removes the reference to the Jews' jealousy, and replaces it with a completely unjustified reference to his own, Sufi, assumptions.  He definitely crosses a line here from interpretation to commentary.

91: Muhammad is no doubt unaware of the parallels between his own reasoning and Paul's.  There are only so many things one can say to a group of people who are bound and determined to be "right", and insofar as Paul and Muhammad are really talking to the same group here, it's no wonder that their logic is similar.

92-93: Hulusi's observation--that the Jews' rejection of Moses' words and embrace of the idol is a metaphor for those who choose to believe their senses rather than their Rabb--is marvelous, and one that I am surprised I had not thought of before.  It seems obvious and unassailable, in retrospect.

94: This is honestly a little inscrutable to me.  Hulusi leaves it implicit that the command to "say", here and in 93, is to the writer of the book, although other translations see fit to clarify.  If this interpretation is accurate, then this further complicates the above mentioned pronoun difficulties.  We have multiple parties to this command: the speaker, previously assumed to Muhammad, is now understood to be merely the mediary.

95-96: The idea that those who wish most for life are those who know they must pay dearly for their sins begs to become an aphorism.

97: A merciful explication here, that reveals Gabriel as the first mediary of the message, and Muhammad as the second, which leaves the Jews of Medina as the audience, and the Jews of Israel as merely the topic.

98: It would be interesting to know of other references to the names transliterated as "Gabriel" and "Michael".  The latter, at least, is certainly not a major character in the Hebrew scriptures.  Would Muhammad have had access to the writings of Paul and John, where he takes a larger role?

99: The referent patterns are becoming clearer.  This verse is addressed to Muhammad, and only tangentially to his readers.

100-101: The phrase "what was with them" here is so perfectly aligned with Hulusi's overall interpretation, I assumed it was another of his liberties.  But no so: لِما مَعَهُم is translated the same in both of the other translations I'm referencing.  All three sources agree that the commands given through the Rasuls are merely confirmations of what the hearer already knows and possesses within.

102: So much in this verse to wonder about, including why it was not divided into smaller passages.  Who are Harut and MArut, and how much of their story is hearsay?  What is that which, when learned, caused a split between man and wife?  Why does the original text seem to double back on itself in the last sentences, declaring "surely they knew" and "if they only knew" with the same breath?  And why does Hulusi here choose to obscure that seeming inconsistency with his rendering?

103: "If only they knew" seems rather an empty wish, when the whole invective is predicated upon their having known.

104: A fascinating linguistic note that raises the question of how far into the prophet's career this book was written, such that his audience would have already developed a pattern of thus mocking him.

105: The polytheistic background of the Meccan audience here gives a special flavor to الكِتابِ here, which is literally "those who associate partners with Allah", and is variously rendered  "idolators", "polytheists", and "dualists" in the versions I'm referencing.  Hulusi's conflation of their polytheism with a mistaken belief in separation from the divine resonates especially clearly with my personal theology.

106: A slightly opaque verse, which opacity may eventually be cleared up once I determine with certainty whether the prophet is here granting himself the plural, or still relaying the words of Gabriel.

107-108: Taken with the context of 104, the prophet is here refuting accusations that have already been likely levelled against him for years before the revelation of Al-Baqarah.

109: Given the inconsistency in rendering of قَديرٌ in the other two translations I'm referencing (powerful and competent, respectively), Hulusi's choice to leave it untranslated is probably for the best.

110: There is a certain appealing simplicity in the return here to الصَّلاةَ and الزَّكاةَ as the primary concerns of believers, and something could be made out of the contrast between the similar edicts of Christ (love God and your neighbor) and Paul (refrain some things sacrificed to idols and from fornication). Hulusi's explication is also welcome here, and especially so in that it is not done under the guise of textuality, as elsewhere.

111: The People of the Book, so often referenced here, do not subscribe to any doctrine I'm familiar with.  The Prophet must have been dealing with a very particular variety of them before writing this.

112: I am not sorry that I have subconsciously adopted Hulusi's approach to رَبِّهِ .  When the other translations offer "Lord", I now automatically subsitute "one's essential reality" mentally.

113: This is much more in line with the People of the Book that I know.  In all three translations, the interpretation is consistent:  Those who split hairs over denomination may as well be polytheists.  Worry about الصَّلاةَ and الزَّكاةَ and let Allah worry about the rest.


114: In contrast with this verse, where all three translations are wildly different.  Hulusi seems to have inserted "Dhikr" in place of اسمُهُ, and without justification or notation.

115: More a warning than an ovation, especially when taken with the foregoing passages.

116: Another nice refutation of the separateness/plurality of the Divine.  Just as there is neither East nor West in 115, and neither Jew nor Christian in 113, so is there no "son" of God.  All creation is one Divine origin, and identity.

117: Again impressed with Hulusi's restraint in leaving بَديعُ transliterated as Badee, and leaving the idea that this means "Originator" rather than simply "Wonderful" parenthetical.  If the other translations I'm referencing are any indicator, such is not typical.

118: Taken in context, the idea that Allah should be revealed in a sign is manifestly ludicrous, and betrays a stubborn adherence to the idea of the particular, individual, and specific nature of that which is in all ways general, universal, and indivisible.

119: A curious turn of phrase, but at least it reveals that Gabriel is still the speaker here, and not the Prophet.

120: Which makes this exhortation one to the Prophet himself, rather than one to his audience.

121: And just when Hulusi was adhering to admirable standards of scholarship, he inexplicably inserts himself into the text.  "It" in this verse is very clearly referring to the revealed word, but Hulusi extrapolates unforgivably to refer it to "Hu" which appears nowhere in the text.

Hu is a potent and sobering concept, one that can be seen everywhere in this book, and as such does not need to forced into view this way.

122: The idea that the Divine somehow preferred the Hebrew nation above all other is a grating one, but the power of Abrahamic and Mosaic legend is undeniable.

123: A bold and definitive, though unsupported, refutation of that most insidious of Christian dogmas: the ransom.

124: If Rabb is taken, as I and Hulusi like to do, to be one's own divine nature, then the story of Abraham's trials becomes even more fascinatingly complex.  And it's a nice touch that the Abrahamic covenant is here taken to have a few provisi.

125: It's tempting to take "The station of Abraham", as Hulusi does, metaphorically.  But it's equally tempting to take it as a literal holy location.  If Abraham was a literal man, and there is no reason to believe otherwise, then there must be a literal place where he prevailed against his Rabb.

126: One wonders what secular support there is for the city of Mecca being the actual location of Abraham's covenant.

127: If this literal house existed, and furthermore if its location is as advertised, how very convenient for Jews and Christians to not talk about it.  Where would this have taken place in the Pentateuch?  What parallel account does it embellish? It would have to be after Genesis 22, when Ishmael was sent away.  But this is the last we hear of him in the Pentateuch.  Which line of inquiry further begs the question, what was the test mentioned in 124? The sacrifice of Issac would have happened well after Ishmael's exile.

128: At least one of the other translations I'm referencing inserts "Muslim" into the verse, entirely without warrant.  The question remains, though:  if Abraham is with Ishamel, not Isaac, when this is taking place, then with what nation is the covenant?

129: At least the Prophet does not feel the need to identify himself in this verse.  It remains open to interpretation who this messenger would be.

130: There is, as observed here, a primal divinity in Abraham, utterly free from dogma and ceremony.  It is this experience of the Divine, more so even than that of Moses, that is at the heart of true religious experience.

 131: Because Abraham's Rabb, and ours, is one and the same.

132: Hulusi's explication that "Muslim" means one who has submitted to the nature of reality brings the word rather closer to the meaning of "Enlightened" in the Buddhist sense.

133: In what sense was Ishmael Jacob's "father"?

134: Presumably "you" here is the Prophet's audience, not the prophet himself.  I believe I'm getting a little better at tracking all the pronouns here.

135: Hulusi seems to think حَنيفًا loses something in the translation here, and leaves it as "Hanif", as does another translation I'm referencing.  It may well lose something in English, but it occurs to me that 正 might do it justice.  At any rate, the distinction between monotheism and the more accurate antipolytheism here is well taken. The idea of a "deity-god" is guilty of the same innacuracy as that of multiple gods.

136. The subtlety of  النَّبِيّونَ that required it to be rendered "Nabi" instead of "prophets" here escapes me.

137. Presumably, Hulusi's rendering of شِقاقٍ as "fragmented" here, as opposed to "defiant" or "dissenting" elsewhere has some linguistic basis, and is not merely intended to shore up his focus on unity.  In this case, at least, the more accurate translation happens to also be the one that .supports Hulusi's thesis.

138: What a lovely way of expressing the divine light.  The "Hue" of the divine is, as above, more accurate linguistically and metaphysically.  One begins to trust Hulusi a little more. 

139: This might be my new favorite verse.  If only more people followed it.

140: Equally relevant.  You cannot escape your Rabb, nor can I escape mine, for they are the same.  What use it it to anyone to police the divine?

141: A nearly exact repetition of 134, and almost my exact sentiment about all religions.

142: It's almost ecumenical.  What direction do you face while praying?  The East and the West are equally divine?

143: In light of which, the Prophet seems to be going back upon himself.  If the East and the West are both divine, why with the same breath command one over the other?  If all are accountable to their own Rabb, what need is there to draw distinction between them?

144: Which, in turn, makes Hulusi's assumption the only rational one:  that one must turn neither East nor West, but inward.

145: The only possible intepretation of this in that light is that everyone should mind her or his own تَبِعوا.  There is no  turning another in your direction were they not already leaning in it.

146: I wonder if there is a holy book without this particular admonition.  It seems contrary to the commands above (and below) to mind your own worship, and be concerned about the sincerity of others'.  Perhaps the best interpretation is "be careful whom you listen to".

147: Some disagreement among translations about whether the Truth mentioned here is self-referential, or external to the book in which it is mentioned.  Hulusi's interpretation that it is an internal Truth is, as ever, compelling.,

148: Another very ecumenical verse.  All have their own facing direction, which cannot exclude them from pursuit of the Divine good.

149: The context certainly suggests a metaphorical interpretation here.  After repeatedly drawing attention to the fact that there is neither East nor West for Allah, and that each person is responsible for her or his own path, it would be inconsistent to follow it up with a command to face in a particular direction.  The Sufi interpretation becomes more appealing with every verse.

150: The verbatim repetition here would tend to argue against that though.

151: The most obvious interpretation here is that the "You" here is the incipient Muslim community, and the Prophet from among them is Muhammad.  I am aching to know, however, if the interpretation that "You" is Muhammad and the messenger is his own Rabb is possible in the Arabic.

152-153: We seem to beginning a series of generic pious admonitions here, indistinguishable from those in other religious texts.

154: A potential first mention of the immortality of the soul! Far more explicit than anything in the Hebrew Scriptures, though it is supposed that the idea was well established among Jews by the time of Muhammad.

155-157: I have a problem with this notion in all religious texts where it is found: that the difficulties we endure are not simply part and parcel of this nasty, brutal, short existence, but rather a purposeful test from above.  Surely life is difficult enough, and there are plentiful opportunities to exercise patience without adding to them.

158: Another tantalizing addition to the legend of Ishmael here.  What remains unexplained is when Abraham returned to these hills to raise the Kaaba.

159-160: The first real serious "thou shalt not" that I have noticed.  There are other guidelines, but this one comes with a specific curse attached.

161: A Sufi reading of this verse would argue that separation and belief in duality is its own punishment.  A more literal reading would assume that there is an additional curse on top of that.  But one wonders what "curse of the whole of humanity" could exist above and beyond the curse of our own existence?

162: The afterlife is predicated here, for those who have died in a state of duality in 161 are here condemned to continue in that state after death.

163: All three translations make the mistake of distinguishing the God that exists from the gods that do not, either by overexplication (Hulusi) or by mere capitalization.  There does not seem to be any justification for these additions in the original text however.  It's altogether reminiscent of the ways in which Christianists overexplicate John 1:1 in their texts to fit their theology.  A more consistent reading would identify this God, not as "one" descriptively, but as Oneness.

164: There is an implicit grammatical and discursive connection between this verse and the preceding, but it is not made clear.  The evidence referred to here is implied to evidence of that preceding truths, as though such were self-evident.  But the connection between the two has missed a step.

165: Here is an attempt at the connection that was missing in 164.  All creation bears testament to the divine unity.  And the evidence for that unity is in the results when one fails to recognize it.

166: A reference to something that eludes me here.  In what sense are these followers cut off?  It seems to specific to be a general principle.

167: To follow at all is the mistake here, because following predicates a belief in duality and a possible existent other.  The mistake is, when the severance from that which we followed is revealed, to look for another connection, rather than to perceive the impossibility of such a relationship in the first place.  Indeed, all creation, if looked at perceptively, would reveal the lesson that could prevent the pain of perceived severance.

168: "What is clean" has not yet been specified yet, but what is most interesting is that "Satan" tempts us by his example--partaking of anything at all that pleases him in the moment.

169: Hulusi's insertions here are unforgivable. بِالسّوءِ  is very clearly simply "evil" here, and Hulusi's extrapolation that this means "things that will strengthen your ego" should have remained parenthetical. 

170: A verse that seems ignored by modern Muslims.  The fact that our predecessors believed something is meaningless at best, and likely counterindicative.

171: And this truth is, at least in a Sufi reading, that which is revealed by the nature of existence--not from our ego, or our programming.

172: Again, insufficiently specific.  Perhaps later the Prophet will identify for us what exactly is "clean".

173: Bingo.  But the most fascinating thing here is that these dietary restrictions are framed as guidelines, and that no sin accrues to him who is forced to ignore them--in direct contrast to Sharia readings.

174: I'm clearly missing something of the discursive powers of إِنَّ here.  I have been assuming that it predicates a logical relation to the aforementioned, but this is not the first time it has been used used to bring in an entirely unrelated topic.

175: Not unlike Sartre's "bad faith", these are aware of the unity of existence, but invest instead in duality because it is easier/more pleasant/less fearsome.

176: The Book here could not mean the (at this point yet uncompleted) Quran.  It seems more consistent to read it as the book followed by the frequently mentioned "People of the Book", namely the accumulated revelations of all holy traditions.  But a divergent reading is also made possible by the context: the Book as all of reality.

177: Hulusi seems to be taking a liberty when he forcefully inserts reference to his obsession with the letter بِا, but there is definite textual support.  The reference to Allah here is manifestly different than in above verses, and one wonders about the powers of this phoneme--even if merely syntactically.

178: I'm beginning to get used to this Semitic discourse pattern.  A sudden shift from the duties of the believers to a delineation of punishments for murder seems abrupt.  But I'm confident that the topic will recurve on itself, and make the connection clear in the following verse.

179: This feels like it needs explication.  The connection between the system of retribution mentioned in 178 and "life' is not explained.

180-182: A very clearcut process, and correspondingly immune to interpretation.  Unless . . . this is related to the process mentioned above, of retribution: of the repayment for death bringing benefit.  but that seems a a bit of a stretch.

183, 184: Another procedural directive, and one that on the surface seems straightforward.  But the "if only you knew" at the end makes Hulusi's parenthetical interpretation that such fasting is to be done, not as a social or religious duty, but "to reduce corporeality" into a ritual with real spiritual value to toe practitioner.

185: Hulusi returns to his substitution of "HU" for اللَّهُ here, an obsession which  continues to detract from the credibility of his translation.

186: The experience of the Divine is here phrased as a dialogue, with Allah answering the call, but the servant also responding to the answer.

187: This is a lovely metaphor for intercourse, and indeed intimacy of all sorts.  The one is not a garment for the other; rather, they are garments for each other: each party at once adorned and adornment.

188: A sensible and loving directive, even out of context.

189: The connection between the phases of the moon, and the metaphor of using the front door here is unclear.  One interpretation is that "there are no shortcuts in keeping to prescribed times."

190-194: Everything in this verse hinges upon the translation.  There is only a hairsbreadth here between "Mind your own religion, unless someone tries to stop you," and "Kill all unbelievers."  It is easy to see how modern Islam has chosen the less subtle of the two.



Saturday, June 23, 2018

Network

What even was this movie?  I thought for a solid hour that I was watching a pre-Sorkin dialogue and character driven dramedy, but somehow must have missed the clues that I was really watching a cross between Dr. Strangelove and Idiocracy.  The clues that this movie was not taking itself as seriously as I thought it was were there.  But I, dunderhead that I am, didn't realize until Howard Beale walked out on a revolving cathedral of a dais halfway through the movie that I was watching a farce.  And one of the many geniuses of this farce was that the transition from Sorkin to Parker and Stone was almost imperceptible through the first half.

Among the other geniuses were, of course, epic performances, iconic commentary, and positively prophetic social analysis.  All of the pieces worked together in a smooth, and ultimately successful, pastiche.  But perhaps just a little of the bite goes out of this  masterwork when we watch it forty years later, and realize that we are still saying the same things about media today.  Howard Beale was, of course, right.  And he remains right.  But humans have been guilty of the same idiocy for as long as there has been media of any sort.  We are highly unlikely to change, but brilliant commentary such as this at least makes it easier for us to carry on.

Monday, June 18, 2018

Arthur Schopenhauer: Counsels and Maxims

In every worthy text, there is at least one passage that unlocks the remainder.  I had thought I found this text's key passage in Schopenhauer's assessment of "Our Relation to Others":

That is a method of reasoning--an enthymeme--which rouses the bitterest feelings of sullen and rancorous hatred (73).

There it was.  As he so often does, Ol' Artie had undone himself in the process of trying to undo others.  When he points the finger at those who, in his perception, are jealous of his self-professed superiority, he is inadvertently incriminating his own jealousy of the ease with which they seem to be living.  The mirror version of his enthymeme is a microcosm of the entire book: all men are lesser than me, and therefore to be avoided.

This gives rise to such demonstrably untrue propositions as "There are few ways by which you can make more certain of putting people into a good humour than by telling them of some trouble that has recently befallen you" (72), or ". . . with most people there will be no harm in occassionally mixing a grain of disdain with your treatment of them" (62).  The syllogism on which Schopenhauer's enthymeme seems to be based is flawed in its premise, to wit: that all human interactions are of the same nature as that of interactions with the specific human, Schopenhauer.

Having thus handily unraveled his approach, I prepared to file this book under the same heading as that under which I filed his "Wisdom of Life": the brilliant tirade of a sad old man.  Humans are indeed deeply flawed, but it is not true to say that they must be avoided at all cost.  The dreary slime of the human soup is only half of the story, and you must eat the soup to get the dessert.  I, in fact, thought myself very clever.

And then yesterday I went downtown for a pleasant outing, only to be approached by an old lady from a booth labelled "동성 변태 시민반대" (citizens resist homo perverts).  It is not only that this refuse exists that infuriated me.  I have experienced it plenty, and know that it will never go away.  The word "pervert" in particular, though, triggered something unpleasant in me, and I boiled over with a rage that would surely have escalated from the most deliciously calibrated and destructive words, to an adrenaline-fueled velociraptor frenzy through the booth--were it not for my more level-headed companion.

Schopenhauer was right.  His enthymeme is spot-on.  We are all trash.  The old woman with the pamphlets is obvious trash, but I am also trash, a hair's breadth away from reptilian violence.  Avoid us at all costs.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

도란도란 (시인 동아리 시집)

핵심을 깊이 파보면
그 가치가 보인다.
아마추어라도
핵심에 아마*
사랑한다는 뜻으로
좋은 게 있겠다.

아무리 뻔해도
아무리 서툴러도
이와 같은 어설픈 시라도

사람은 저마다 할 말이 있고
귀를 기우리면
도란도란 이야기를 거내줄 것이다.

*아마추어에 있는 "아마" 원래 "사랑한다"는 뜻임

Thursday, May 17, 2018

쑥쑥 TOPIK 한국어어휘 고급

모든 읽은 책이ㅔ 대해서 글 써야겠다는 목표에 할말이 별로 없어도 이 책에 대한 글도 쓰겠다.  이렇게 어희 목록을 바탕으로 학습 하는 게효과 없는지 나도 알고 있다.  왜 이렇게 시간 낭비 했을까?  여기 들어간 1500 단어를 50일안에 누가 습득 할 수 있다?  첫쪽을 다시 보니, 몇 게월전 배워본 30 단어 중에 5게 아직 기억이 돼.  난 언어학습 로봇 아니니까.

Monday, May 07, 2018

Tracy Letts: August: Osage County

If you had asked me to make a series of suppositions about the author of this gripping script, I feel that I would have done pretty well.  Both the writer and the story reveal themselves with every line, and I feel like I cheated myself out of the opportunity to be smug by looking Letts up before writing my predictions down.  Naturally, Letts is an actor.  This script is an actors' showcase in all of the best ways.  It manages to have a reason to exist outside of itself, unlike so many modern American theatrical "classics" (basically every script I read in college, but the most ghastly example I can think of is Margulies' Dinner with Friends), resulting in something like a terrarium, where the audience just observes the actors, and is expected to marvel at how lifelike they are.

But it's more specific than that.  It's not just that this script was written by an actor, but by a very certain type of highly skilled actor, for whom every line is its' own story.  The ghosts of Edward Albee and Anton Chekov are on every page, and even more so on the second reading.  I flatter myself by imagining that I could have predicted that Letts was not only an actor, but one who specializes in the works of those playwrights, as indeed he does.  Osage County is no less than a modern Desire Under the Elms, so rawly and honestly American. 

But one thing did surprise me about Letts, when I did a little research.  He's a man.  Perhaps even more than the three playwrights to whom I've compared him above, he has created women who are so true that I assumed Tracy was a woman's name.   I was so gobsmacked by this script, that I couldn't sleep until I had not only finished it, but watched the movie.  Sadly, the edges seem purposefully filed down in the screen adaptation, but even a taste of this experience was enough to make me resent my entire ancestry.  Perhaps it's best that I don't have a chance to see it on stage.

Stagecoach

Often when watching older films, we find ourselves spoiled by the fact that whatever is about to happen on the screen, we've seen it before.  Everything that was once shocking and innovative, is now de rigeur, and we know, often down to the subtlest of character moments, how "this" is all going to play out.  Naturally, I went in to this 80 year old movie expecting to see where characters and scenes of which we've since seen a thousand versions were born.  I was not disappointed on that count.

But in a strange way, I was reverse surprised--unspoiled?--by the movies I had seen before.  Specifically Tarantino's Hateful Eight, which is based on what seems to be just the first ten minutes of Stagecoach, but also every other "eight strangers in a box" movie, had conditioned me to expect certain things: a hidden past, a sudden betrayal, a secret identity, some such "twist" is absolutely necessary in these movies.  So I waited until the last scene, still expecting Mr. Peacock to be a German spy, or Mr. Hatfield to be the child's actual father, etc..  But there was no such gimmick forthcoming.  As with anything that goes on for more than a few seasons, cinema's continued popularity is dependent on its ability to surprise us, and to that end is inventing ever more shocking spectacles and grand reversals.  But there was a time when all that was necessary was a solid script, nuanced performances, and an eye for scenery.

Sunday, May 06, 2018

Catullus: Complete Poems.

Whether we have this work preserved to us by the idiosyncrasies of fate, of time, or merely of human nature matters not.  They are all equally fickle, and as likely to bring us a Catullus as a Plutarch.  The former, though seemingly adored among scholars of Latin, does not by my measure seem to deserve his reputation.  Those same scholars would argue that my appreciation for his verse is limited by my native English, but in doing so they would seem to be admitting that the form of his lines is their chief, if not only, virtue.  The content of those lines simply cannot stand on its own merit, and this reader cannot shake the impression that Catullus was his day's equivalent of Logan Paul.  He offers nothing in particular of value, but does so in such an entertainingly brazen way that his audience is mesmerized.  No doubt those who appreciate Latin will point to his masterful use of the language, but I reassert that without something underneath the language to recommend it, fate need not have bothered to preserve it for us.

박완서: 그 많던 싱아는 누가 다 먹었을까?

그 남자랑아무 연락한 지 벌써 6년 됐네.  그 잘 생긴, 말투가 부드러운, 나에 흥미가 없는; 박완서 소설가 좋아한다고했기 때문에 내가 이 책을 구매했던, 그 남자.  책을 구매하고 재목도 해석이 안 된 현실은, 나에게 그남자랑 연결이 안 된다는 징조엿나봐.

6년 그 후, 마침네 책을 읽어끝냈다.  그 때와 마찬가지로 홀로 살고 있다. 불운한 관계를 아직도 쫓는다.  그래도, 박완서와 비슷하게, 혼잣삶에 작아도 증언하겠다. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Haruki Murakami (with Seiji Ozawa): Absolutely on Music

There's a clear parallel to be drawn between this book and Bill Moyers and Joseph Cambell's iconic conversation, The Power of Myth.  In each, two respected icons in their fields come together to talk, more or less casually, about a subject in which one of them is only a dabbler.  But the book under treatment here has the added benefit of an auditory layer which made it a singular experience.  Not only did Murakami and Ozawa talk at length and in depth about the nature of orchestral music, sharing marvelous personal anecdotes along the way, but Murakami did the reader the service of noting exactly where in the music they were referencing, down to the second.  This added layer absolutely predicates listening to the recordings in question as they are being discussed, including lengthy pauses where the conversants are simply enjoying the music with you.  When the music reaches a point where one of the two has a comment to offer, reading their transcript has the exact effect that was presumably intended: that of listening with them and hearing their comments in real time.  It's the equivalent of the director's commentary on a DVD track, but for Mahler's first symphony et al.  Having never been a fan of orchestral music before--anything without words has a hard time reaching me--I found a fledgling appreciation for the works mentioned here.  I am entirely likely to let it remain half-fledged, and rely on Ozawa's comments, but for the weeks that I spent with these two visionaries at least, I was a fan.

Andrew Robinson: A Stitch in Time

I've read an awful lot of books.  And as many books as I've read, I've watched even more television and movies (while every book I read makes it into this blog, only 'noteworthy' other media do so).  And for the life of me, I can't find anything in all that vast storehouse of consumed and digested media to compare this book to. Bear with me as I try.

Perhaps a good place to begin is with the source material.  We have the character of Elim Garak, a background character who, through the force of the performance, ended up becoming a central figure, and a fan favorite--including mine.  DS9 has always been my favorite sci-fi series, in spite of not being the best, and Garak is easily my favorite character.  What other character fills such a role, carving out such a healthy ledge in a ponderous fandom for her or himself?  Boba Fett? Certainly, but not by the strength of the original actor's performance.  Perhaps Captain Jack Harkness.  Let's use him for an example.

Now suppose that John Barrowman wrote a book, and not just any book, but a definitive history of the character that he brought to life.  No writer would have bothered to give Garak or Captain Jack life if the actors' performances hadn't so demanded it.  I feel safe in saying that both characters belong to the actor, more than to the writers.  Barrowman is a clever, charming, seemingly literate man.  It is not outside of the realm of possibility that he would undertake such a thing.

But now suppose that the book was good.  Not just that it satisfied and became popular among the fandom either, but that it was objectively well written, erudite, reflective, borderline postmodernist, and deeply philosophical.  Imagine, in short, that the book was written in such a way that it was impossible not to be swept up in the illusion that it was written by the character, rather than the actor behind him.  That's what you have here.  This book was not written by Robinson; it was written by Garak.  And the only logical conclusion is that Andrew Robinson is, in fact, a genetically altered Cardassian spy, brilliantly hiding in plain sight.